BECAUSE YOU RAN OUT OF CLEAN
UNDERWEAR?
BUNCHING UP HAPPENING HERE.
C'MON.
I'M A MESS.
I DID THAT ON A DATE ONCE.
I WAS WEARING A BATHING SUIT
UNDER MY PANTS BECAUSE I DIDN'T
DO LAUNDRY.
SHE WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN EXCEPT
I HAD THAT WHITE STRING FLAPPING
OUTSIDE OF MY FLY.
SHE'S LIKE, "WHAT DO YOU HAVE A
TAMPON IN THERE?"
WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU.
(LAUGHTER)
I'M EMBARRASSED FOR 80%
OF MY LIFE.
AND I HATE IT.
YOU EVER GET EMBARRASSED
FOR LIKE A LITTLE THING BUT YOU
KINDA WANNA KILL YOURSELF?
LIKE ONE TIME, YOU KNOW WHEN YOU
GET IN AN ELEVATOR YOU GO TO
PRESS YOUR FLOOR BUTTON AND IT'S
ALREADY BEEN PRESSED?
IT'S LIT UP.
YOU KNOW THAT THEY ALL SAW YOUR
FINGER GO THERE AND THEN STOP.
THAT'S ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS
WHERE YOU MAKE THAT NOISE WHERE
YOU DON'T ACTUALLY MAKE WORDS.
(MUMBLING)
(LAUGHTER)
I HATE THAT.
JUST THOSE LITTLE THINGS.
THE OTHER DAY THIS GUY ASKED ME
THE TIME.
I HATE THAT.
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME THE
TIME ON THE STREET.
SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ME,
I JUST PANIC.
I CAN'T READ MY WATCH.
WHEN I'M ALONE, I'M GREAT AT
READING MY WATCH,
(APPLAUSE)(
BUT WHEN SOMEBODY ASKS ME
I JUST HAVE THIS ANXIETY ATTACK
AND I JUST CAN'T MAKE IT OUT.
"YOU HAVE THE TIME?"
"YEAH, I GGG... I...
IT'S LIKE THIS."
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
I ALWAYS END UP SAYING SOMETHING
USELESS LIKE, "IT'S TWENTY OF
9:40".
YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOW WHEN
PEOPLE ASK ME?
THEY'RE LIKE, "DO YOU HAVE THE
TIME?"
I JUST GO, "YEAH."
(HORN NOISES)
'CAUSE THEN THEY MOVE ON.