Jessi Klein - Hit the Outlets

  • Season 15 , Ep 13
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 17,907

Jessi Klein explains that an outlet store is the same as a regular store, but a dollar less. (2:21)

for the wedding andFreeport is known for having

a lot of outlet storesand if you don't know

what an outletstore is,

it's the same asa regular store,

but a dollarless, you guys.

[audience laughing]

And, um... so, yeah,it's super exciting.

So... so, we have a day, awhole day before the wedding

and my friends are like,"Let's hit the outlets.

"Let's hitthe outlets.

"Let's hit the[deleted] outlets."

And I'm like, "Okay,we'll hit the outlets."

So, we're walking aroundand we pass this one store

and it is astore that I hate.

I refuse to gointo this store.

I don't even like to saythe name of the store.

But for the sake of thestory, for you guys,

I will say thename of the store.

It is a, uh, a ZalesDiamond outlet, you guys.

A Zales!

That's how theysay it in the ad,

it's like right from hereall the way up, Zales.

I feel like thatis the sound

Cindy McCain would makeif she ever had sex.

Just like, "Zales!"

And then like back intoher freezer forever,

for the restof her life.

So, I'm like, I refuseto go into that store.

And as we'rewalking by,

I see that there's,like, a chalkboard,

like, a littlewhiteboard,

on which someemployee has written

in like big,loopy letters,

you know, like,daisies over the 'I's.

So, like, girlscan read it.

And it literally says,"Don't worry, ladies,

"your husbands called.

"They said it's okay tocome in and buy something."

[audience laughing]

And I'm just like,[deleted] you, Zales!

And...

[applause]

It really-- yeah, seriously,[deleted] you, Zales.

And it really made mewant to go in and buy

the most expensivething that they have

and then just comeback the next day

with like agiant black eye

and just be like,"You lied, Zales!

"He didn't call.

"He wasn'tokay with that.

"I'm grounded now."

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