Uncensored - Norm Macdonald - How Often Men Think About Sex

Norm Macdonald: Me Doing Stand-Up Season 1, Ep 1 03/26/2011 Views: 54,245

Norm Macdonald explains that men don't always think about sex -- but when they do, it's all they can think about. (2:00)

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LIKE, ALL RIGHT,ONE TIME, I READ THIS.

THIS IS A THING I READ,UH, UH, BY A SCIENTIST.

IT WAS IN ONE OF THOSEBIG SCIENCE BOOKS, YOU KNOW?

OR ELSE IT WAS ONE LINEIN USA TODAY.

I CAN'T REMEMBER.BUT...

BUT IT SAID THIS.IT SAID,

"SCIENTISTS NOW SAY

THAT A MAN THINKS ABOUT SEXONCE EVERY 7.3 SECONDS."

NOW, I KNOW WHAT I THINKONCE EVERY 7.3 SECONDS.

I'LL JUST BE WALKINGDOWN THE STREET, YOU KNOW.

YOU JUST, YOU KNOW,YOU'RE LIKE,

"DOODLEY DO.HEY, THERE'S A BUILDING.

"DOO DOO DOO DEE.

"HEY, LOOK AT THAT.

"GUY WEARING COWBOY BOOTSOVER THERE.

"HOW 'BOUT THAT? HUH.

"DOODLEY DOO. WONDER IF ISHOULD WEAR COWBOY BOOTS.

"NAH, I'M TOO OLDFOR THAT STUFF.

"OH, THERE'STHAT BUILDING AGAIN.

"DOODLEY DOO.

"HEY, MY ASS IS ITCHYOVER HERE.

"I CAN'T SCRATCH MY ASSOUT HERE IN THE STREET.

"HEY, WILLIE NELSONSTILL WEARS COWBOY BOOTS.

"BILLY JOE SHAVER, TOO.

THOSE FELLAS MUST BEWELL NIGH THREESCORE AND TEN."

ANYWAY, IT'S JUST A BUNCHOF MEANINGLESS GIBBERISH.

THAT'S MY POINT.

BUT IT'S NOT SEX.

AND THEN, THE REAL TIME--

THIS IS THE AMOUNT OF TIMETHAT YOU THINK ABOUT SEX.

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

WHICH IS...NOT A SCIEN--

SCIENTISTS DON'T LIKETHAT TERM.

BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILEYOU THINK ABOUT IT,

AND, UH, YOU KNOW,LIKE, I THINK ABOUT IT

EVERY COUPLE DAYS.

OR IF YOU'RE A YOUNGER MAN,

YOU PROBABLYTHINK ABOUT IT MORE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

BUT THENTHE PROBLEM BECOMES,

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

IT'S ALLYOU CAN THINK ABOUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

IT JUST ENCOMPASSESYOUR WHOLE BRAIN.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE JUST LIKE,"AAH!"

YOU'RE LIKE A--

LIKE A FUCKING WEREWOLFOR SOMETHING, LIKE...

USUALLY, YOU'RE A CIVILIZEDHUMAN BEING.

BUT THEN EVERY COUPLE DAYS,YOU'RE LIKE, "AH HAH...

AH HAH."

AND THEN YOU GOTTACLOSE THE BLINDS, YOU KNOW?