Cristela Alonzo - White People Are Like Superheroes

  • Season 2 , Ep 12
  • 06/07/2013
  • Views: 6,362

Having a white boyfriend makes Cristela Alonzo feel like she is white by association. (1:46)

When I have sex,I wear a helmet...

I set up traffic cones,I direct traffic.

"Here!"

Very safe, very safe.

I have a boyfriend. Uh,we've been together for years.

When we first started dating,he asked me that question:

"How many guyshave you slept with?"

And I said, "Three."

MAN:Liar!

Uh, no, it's true.

I've only slept with three.

I don't know how manyI've (bleep), but...

(laughs)

I've only slept with three.(laughs)

Ask the right question, stupid.

Uh...

(chuckles)

Technicality.

I do have a white boyfriend.

I don't mean to brag, but...

I love it!

Oh, I love havinga white boyfriend.

He makes me feel like I'm white

by association, man.

I get pulled over by a cop,I just point

to the passenger seat.

I'm like, "I thinkI'm getting a warning."

(chuckles)

I love it!

He's been teaching meto do white things

I didn't know were possible,like talk to a supervisor

when things are unsatisfactory.

I didn't knowyou could do that, man.

Brown people don't do that.

We went to eat a burger, theburger sucked, he complained.

Two weeks later,gift card at my apartment.

White people,you don't understand.

To me, you're like superheroes.

You can do things I can't do.

White Guy: the powerto walk through Nordstrom

without being followedby security.

I love it!

You guys are awesome.

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