Jake Johannsen - Blood

Guerra, Blumberg, Barnes Season 2, Ep 14 05/25/1993 Views: 3,375

Two drinks are not really that much. (2:10)

mean, unless you make themfor yourself in a flower pot.

Um, I'll just have the one.

Um, but uh, you know, if youreally want to get your money's

worth on the drinks, whatyou do is give blood.

Have you ever done this?

One beer will kick your butt.

Um, and exce-- the problemis that they make you

wait a couple of weeks beforethey let you come back in,

and give blood again.

So, you just saywell, screw them,

I'll take out my own blood.

Uh, but uh, let metell you something,

it's not as easy as it looks.

Um, I'm sure anybody can getthe flow of blood started,

but it's the whole operat-- evenonce you get the hang of it,

it can still be a little tricky.

And I mean-- I'll tell you,for example, never, ever

start having thebeer before you're

finished draining the blood.

Uh, you know, you're drinkingthe beer, got a little logy,

I lost track-- almostdrained all the whole kitchen

bag full of my own blood,bef-- before I realized,

you know, I didn'teven notice till I

tried to get up forthat second beer.

Oh boy.

Um, and then I'm trying tosqueeze it back in, you know,

and then-- andthat's like trying

to put toothpasteback in the tube.

But actually, you definitely dowant to keep some fresh blood

around for in the morning,in case you're hung over.

You put the-- it's like uh,Keith Richards' home game.

Um, but uh, anyway,now I know we're

going to get a lot of letters,people writing in about telling

everybody to draintheir own blood.

Well, let me-- it's-- letme just say one thing,

it's a joke!

Don't go running out, getting abasketball needle and a rubber

hose, and trying todrain off your own blood.

That stupid, you know,you'll kill yourself, or hurt

yourself, or it'llbe embarrassing

or make a big mess.

And your parents willbe reminding you of it

for the rest yourlife, that's for sure.

You know those things where,remember the time you tried

to drain off your ownblood, 'cause Jake

told you to do iton Comedy Central?