Dave Attell - Looking at Breasts

  • Season 2 , Ep 8
  • 07/09/1999
  • Views: 16,459

Men like looking at breasts. (2:46)

MEN LIKE BREASTS, AND THAT'STHE WAY IT WORKS.

THEY LIKE BREASTS ANDTHEY LIKE LOOKIN' AT 'EM.

IT CALMS 'EMAND QUIETS 'EM.

IT'S LIKE A MACE SHOT

WITHOUT ALL THE ROLLING AROUNDAND SCREAMING.

MEN LIKE LOOKING AT BREASTS,ESPECIALLY THE CLEAVAGE.

THE CLEAVAGE...THRUSTING IT OUT AT ME,

MAKING ME DO THINGS,

MAKING ME LISTENTO YOU.

IT'S CRAZY,I CAN'T DO THAT.

I CAN'T WALK AROUND

WITH HALF A TESTICLEHANGING OUT, CAN I ?

OH, I'M SORRY,YOU CAUGHT ME.

THAT, TOO, ISA FASHION STATEMENT.

IT'S CALLED "TIME FORA NEW PAIR OF BLOOMERS".

SO, I'LL GIVE YOUA LITTLE ADVICE--

NEVER LET A WOMANPUT A CONDOM ON YOU.

IT'S EMBARRASSING.

IT'S LIKE,"OH, LOOK.

OH, LOOK,THERE'S STILL MORE ROOM."

( dry chuckle )

"WE COULD TIE IT OFF AND USE ITAGAIN AND AGAIN, IT SEEMS,

'CAUSE YOU'REKIND OF TINY, TINY."

EVERY MAN WONDERSABOUT THE SIZE--

THEIR SIZEOF THEIR MEMBER, RIGHT ?

WHETHER YOU'RE A NEW COPTO THE FORCE

OR A YOUNG MAN YAWNING.

WHAT ARE YOUYAWNING AT ?

WHAT, WERE YOU BUILDINGA TREE HOUSE ALL DAY ?

THIS IS THE MOST EXCITING THINGTHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU

SO FOCUS !

LAYING IN BED ALONE AT NIGHT,YOU START THINKING,

CRAZY THOUGHTSAT FIRST, RIGHT ?

WHAT KIND OF JOBCOULD I GET ?

WHAT WOULD BE A DREAM JOBFOR ME ?

MANAGER OF A CHOCOLATE FACTORYRUN BY BIG-BREASTED HOOKERS.

NO, I DON'T GOTTHE SCHOOLING FOR THAT.

THEN YOU SETTLE DOWNAND YOU FOCUS.

I WONDER IFI HAVE A SMALL PENIS

OR JUST GIGANTIC BALLS ?

I DON'T KNOW.

LUCKILY, THERE'S A TEST.

THE FIRST TIME YOU SHOW ITTO YOUR GIRLFRIEND OR FIANCĂ©E

OR PRESS IT UP AGAINSTA BUS WINDOW OR SOMETHING...

IF SOMEONE LOOKS AT ITAND STARES AND GOES,

( baby talk )"OH... LOOK AT IT.

"LOOK AT HIM,LIKE A LITTLE BABY JESUS.

LOOK AT HIM."

TIME TO BUY A PORSCHE,I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW,

'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA NEEDA LITTLE HELP.

WOMEN LOVE MYSTERY,THAT'S WHAT THEY LIKE--

LITTLE SURPRISES.

TONIGHT, WHEN YOUGO HOME

ADD A LITTLE MYSTERYTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

WHEN YOUR LADYLEAVES THE ROOM

TAKE A DUMP ON THE FLOOR.

HONESTLY,NO, REALLY.

HEAR ME OUT.

THERE IS NOTHING MORE MYSTERIOUSTHAN A DUMP ON THE FLOOR,

AND IT ALWAYS STARTSA CONVERSATION, AM I RIGHT ?

"HONEY, IS THATWHAT I THINK...

"I THINK IT IS !

YOU BETTER HOLD ME,'CAUSE I'M AFRAID."

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