Uncensored - Kurt Metzger - Living in New York

Kurt Metzger, Nikki Glaser, Mike Vecchione Season 1, Ep 3 04/27/2014 Views: 6,715

Kurt Metzger describes what waking up is like when you live in New York City. (1:46)

evening has just shot

his first hour special, whichis titled "White Precious."

This is on late.

Who's-- Anybodywho's up late watching this

is not a good person anyway, soit doesn't matter what we say.

Please welcomeKurt Metzger.

(cheers and applause)

Here you go.

Oh... wow.

Thank you very much.


Are youthe camera guy?

You that kid thatblew up Boston?

What are you doing here,holding the camera?

That's a much shortersentence than I thought.


Do you guys live here,most of you?

Like, if you'renot from New York,

just so you know what it's likeif you live here, um,

like, nine timesout of 10, you wake up

and there'll just be likea black dick

just mushedright in your face.


Most... mostly that's howyou wake up.

If you move here,I'm just letting you know.

"Wow, is this really $2,600a month to...

"have this guy's...

"giant dorkon my eyelids?

Is it really?"

I mean,I'm exaggerating.

It's not exactlylike that.


You haveto ask for that.

That doesn't just comewith your apart--

That doesn't justcome with your apartment.

For 2,600, you think you'regetting black dick in the face?

No, no, my friend.

That's 3,000, easy.

For those kind ofextra features.

I had a friend from Tampa tellme he couldn't pay his rent.

You can't pay yourrent in Tampa, Florida?

You can't come up withpossum soup and gator teeth

once-- once a month?

Gather it from your swamp yardand just bring it to...