which has brought meto some interesting places.
The biggest example of that is
when I was in my 20s,
I moved to San Franciscoand went through a gay phase.
before you jumpto any conclusions,
when I say "gay phase,"
I mean I datedand slept with men.
Okay, this isexactly what happened.
Yeah, I moved to San Franciscowith my best friend.
Shortly after we got there,
Timmy told methat he was into guys
so I started hanging out,like in the gay neighborhood,
which, as you know,this is, you know, Chelsea,
it's kind of a hipand exciting place,
and this is whatI didn't expect.
I got hit on a lot.
Gay men willmake you feel pretty.
Dude, I-I felt like a rock star.
Because, unlike women,who... they never
look you in the eye,and they wait
for you to makethe first move,
guys just, like, lock on you.
The first guy I sawin San Francisco was like...
Even his dog is sitting there...
"Oh, my God, man,I feel attractive."
I got to ride on a float.
Man, I found a facialmoisturizer that worked.
The only thing is,as it turns out,
if you wanna be a partof the gay club,
you gotta be attracted to men.
I-I-I didn't think about that.
Basically, my point is,
there's a lot of gay things,
you know, that we all enjoy.
We can all do the "YMCA"every once in a while.
But you needto consider the things
that only gay people like.
That... see, that's whereyou'll find your answer.
Now, if there's any guys in here
who are confusedabout their sexuality,
do the ball test.
Just say to yourself,
how do I feel about them?"
And believe me,the answers will come,
because there is no middleground with balls.
There is no "I can livewith some balls
every Wednesday or Friday."
No, it's yes or no.
I-I-I want to address,like, the one question
that everybody seems to have.
Like, there's one act,
in regard to my walkon the gay side,
that everybody wantsto know if I did. Okay?
And I will answerthat question for you.
In the form of a poem.
The poem is entitled,
"Dude, I'm serious.
"I changed my mind.
"Don't pretend likeyou can't hear me.
You lied to me."
Okay, it's a work in progress.
Let, let me just say this.
I-I have likethe deepest respect
for men-- and women--
that are into that.
I don't get it.
I-I started to cry.
It's true. And looking back,
that was the embarrassingthing, you know.
That I was sucha (bleep) about it.