I really am.
Like, uh, like me and my girlwent to the beach this summer,
and she got a tan--she came back,
she had tan linesall over her body.
She was very self-consciousabout it, which confused me--
I thought it was sexyhaving tan lines, you know?
It's kind of like God came down
and highlighted everythingthat was important.
Biggest issue we haveis, uh, definitely Lifetime.
She watches a lot of Lifetime.
Which, for those of youwho don't know,
Lifetime is the channelthat women watch that makes it
impossible for men to date them.
Seriously, she sits around andjust collects emotional baggage
by the hour...watching this stuff.
Everything will be fine.
I leave for two hours;I come back.
Now we're fighting...
over somethingshe saw on Lifetime.
Literally, as soonas I get in the door:
"I can't believe you left mewhile my mama was sick."
"That didn'teven happen to you.
That was Sally Field."
"Well, what about that timeI caught you cheating
and you faked your own deathto get away with it?"
"Why are youbringing up old stuff?"