Cory Kahaney - Teenagers

  • Season 8 , Ep 27
  • 06/10/2004
  • Views: 15,683

These days, the media always tries to tell you how to raise your kids. (1:56)

IF YOU HAVE A TEENAGER, YOU HAVE

TO HAVE NOTICED THE MEDIA IS

ALWAYS TELLING US HOW TO RAISE

OUR KIDS NOW, LIKE WE'RE STUPID.

LIKE WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO RAISE

OUR CHILDREN.

THEY HAVE ALL THESE CAMPAIGNS,

YOU KNOW.

"THEY DON'T NEED YOU TO BE

THEIR FRIEND."

YEAH.

NO, KIDDING.

HEY, I KNOW WHO MY FRIENDS ARE,

AND THEY DON'T STEAL MONEY OUT

OF MY PURSE IN THE MIDDLE OF

THE NIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT'S THE OTHER ONE?

"YOU GOTTA KNOW WHO THEY'RE

WITH AND WHERE THEY ARE AT ALL

TIMES."

OH, YEAH, THAT'S WORKS.

YEAH!

I KNOW WHERE MY DAUGHTER IS

EVERY NIGHT.

SHE'S WITH HER FRIENDS.

THEY COME TO MY HOUSE.

THEY GO IN HER ROOM.

THEY CLOSE THE DOOR AND THEY

LIGHT INCENSE.

HA-HA.

YES.

LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING

ON IN THERE.

LIKE I THINK THERE'S A

ZEN BUDDHIST MEETING IN MY

APARTMENT.

ONE NIGHT I'M WATCHING TV,

I SEE THAT PUBLIC SERVICE

ANNOUNCEMENT.

"IT'S 10PM, DO YOU KNOW WHERE

YOUR CHILDREN ARE?"

I'M LIKE, "YEAH, THEY'RE ALL AT

MY HOUSE GETTING 'ENLIGHTENED'."

[LAUGHTER]

AND AT 11PM THEY'RE GONNA

COME OUT AND MAKE RICE-A-RONI.

[LAUGHTER]

AND MAKE FUN OF THE WORD "RONI"

FOR TWO HOURS.

[APPLAUSE]

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY'RE

TEACHING THEM IN SCHOOL ANYMORE.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT MY KID SAID

TO ME THE OTHER DAY?

"MOM, WERE YOU ALIVE IN THE

TIME OF THE BEATLES?"

[LAUGHTER]

OKAY.

WELL, LET'S REVIEW, SHALL WE?

FIRST THE EARTH COOLED.

[LAUGHTER]

THEN WE HAD DINOSAURS.

AND THEN I WAS BORN.

SHE GOES, "NO, SERIOUSLY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BEATLES?"

SAID, "AH, YES, THE BEATLES.

WELL, YOU KNOW THE BEATLES,

LIKE MANY ANCIENT CULTURES,

[LAUGHTER]

THEY WERE WIPED OUT BY A

TERRIBLE PLAGUE.

SORT OF LIKE SARS, BUT BACK

THEN WE CALLED IT YOKO ONO."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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