So I'm going tothree weddings.
That means I getto see three people
walk the aisle, jump the broom,
tie the knot, you know.
It's a triathlon of commitment.
Meanwhile,I've been with my lady
for about eight years
and I have yetto propose to her,
so this is about to be the"managing expectations" tour.
You know what I mean?There's gonna be a lot of
after every ceremony.
I'm gonna haveto pull her to the side,
say, "Hey, baby, listen, um...
"Don't get excited by whatyou just saw this afternoon.
"These people love howthey love, you know?
"You and I...
"we got a joint Netflix account,you know.
"I know your queue,you know my queue,
"there's no judgment.
"You know, I feel like that,that's love enough."
I... kiss her on the forehead.
That's it! You know, that's...
could be $7.99 a month.
I don't ask her for four.
I take that, I eat that,I'm a man, you understand?
"Go ahead, baby, binge away."
And I love my lady,
but I'm justafraid of commitment.
You know what I'm saying?Like, that's the...
that's the thing about it,
I'm just afraid of co...And it's...
and obviously,it sounds cliché
for a dude to be onstage,
saying how afraidof commitment he is.
But you know what?
I'm afraid to getshot in the head, too, you know?
Like, a fear is a fear,you feel me?
You know,I'm afraid of commitment,
'cause commitment feels too muchlike commitment.
You know what I'm saying?
It's like, y-youand whoever you chose forever.
You know?And it, it's not even
just with my lady.It's with anything.
Like, if you want to get
a new cell phone...
you got to commit for two yearsto get the new cell phone...
and you know full well,as you're signing the contract,
there's gonna bea phone that's gonna come out...
that's gonnablow this phone away...
and you're gonna be stuck,you know?
That's how I look at marriage.
It's like a cell phone contractfor infinity...
with no upgrade privileges.