Alfred Robles - Stop Lying

Alfred Robles & Rick Gutierrez Season 1, Ep 1 10/06/2011 Views: 15,853

Alfred Robles thinks that every woman should come with a little card that contains her sexual history. (1:56)

Watch Full Episode

'cause I went to the doctor.

The doctor told meI was borderline diabetic.

So I told the doctor,

"What are yougetting racial for?

"Why do you got to say'borderline?'

"'Cause I'm Mexican?

Can't you say 'almost?'"

The cops--cops want to be rappers.

Always rhyming stuff.

"Click it or ticket."

"Drop a dime on crime."

"Don't make me pullthat trigger..."

(fans murmuring loudly)

"Or that ticket will be bigger."

What were you guys thinking?


I'm not a rapper.

I'm not high.

Girls, you guys gotto stop lying.

They always liewith that one question:

"How many guyshave you slept with?"

Liar. Right?

That's why I think girls shouldcome with that little card.

Remember you were at school,you used to go

to librariesto check out a book?

(applause and laughter)

And that little cardused to tell you

how many peoplechecked that book out.

All right? All I'm saying issome girls come with two cards.

She's a best seller.

My nephew's schoolwas celebrating Presidents Day,

and he comes and he tells me,

"My little black friend'sgoing to wear an Obama shirt.

My little white friend'sgoing to wear a Kennedy shirt."

And he says, "I'm Latino.

I don't knowwhat shirt to wear."

So I made him a shirtthat said, "Coming soon."

(cheering and applause)