Tom Rhodes - Racism

  • Season 5 , Ep 6
  • 08/05/2001
  • Views: 2,100

Tom wishes there was a Confused Bastard White Guy Day parade. (1:32)

DIFFERENT RACES, AND, AH,

WHEN I LIVED IN NEW YORK CITY,

AND THEY ALWAYS HAVE THESE

ETHNIC DAY PARADES.

I WOULD GET ENVIOUS.

I ADMIT IT.

I'D WATCH THESE PARADES AND GO,

HUH...

MAYBE ONE DAY MY PEOPLE,

YOU KNOW.

YOU NEVER SEE A PARADE FOR ME.

YOU NEVER SEE A QUARTER ENGLISH,

QUARTER FRENCH, QUARTER ITALIAN,

QUARTER DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL

YOU REALLY ARE PARADE.

HEY, IT'S CONFUSED BASTARD

HONKEY DAY PARADE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I'M A QUARTER EVERYTHING.

MY ANCESTORS SCREWED ABOUT

EVERYBODY.

I WISH I HAD SOME MELANIN SO I

DON'T BURN SO BAD AT THE BEACH.

OH, THANK GOD, YOU GOT THAT.

THEY DIDN'T GET THAT PART IN

TEXAS AT ALL, MAN.

MELANIN?

WHAT'S MELANIN?

EVERYBODY SHOULD KNOW WHAT

MELANIN IS, MAN.

I THINK THAT'S WHERE RACISM

COMES FROM.

WHITE PEOPLE ARE JEALOUS OF

PEOPLE WITH MELANIN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S WHERE ALL THE HATRED

STARTED.

IT COMES FROM THOUSANDS OF YEARS

OF WHITE PEOPLE GETTING

SUNBURNED AT THE BEACH.

IT COMES FROM WHITE PEOPLE

GETTING ALL PINK AND FLAKY

AND CRISPY.

OW, OW, OW, DON'T TOUCH ME!

DAMNIT!

PEOPLE WITH MELANIN DON'T HAVE

THIS PROBLEM!

(LAUGHTER)

I'LL GIVE THEM LOWER WAGES!

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S HOW IT STARTED, MAN.

A BAD BURN, A LONG TIME AGO.

THAT'S HOW IT STARTED.

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