Brian Regan - Unilingual

Brian Regan: Standing Up Season 1, Ep 1 06/09/2007 Views: 21,546

Brian Regan really wants his Italian-American friend to stop over-pronouncing the names of pasta dishes. (1:49)

I'm not making this up.I saw a van for some company.

I don't even knowwhat the business was.

It had two thingsprinted on the side--

"We speak English"and "We delivery."

Ah. Ah, is that right?

Can you imaginebeing bilingual?Would that be-- Heh.

Or even knowinganybody that was?[ Laughs ]

I'm not even unilingual.

Actually, I shouldn't say that.I don't give myselfenough credit. I-I know--

I know enough English to,like, you know, get by,you know.

No, like, like,I can order in restaurantsand stuff, you know.

"I want ham!

"One ham, please,to eating the ham.

Bring ham to eatingthe ham, please."

I can do that.You know, justnot fluent, I guess.

I got a buddy who, uh,thinks he speaks Italian.

It's very strange.Very strange.

He's Italian-American.Never been to Italy.Never.

All my friendcan say in Italianare pasta dish names.

He doesn't even know any verbs,but he still triesto pull it off.

[ With Italian Accent ]"Oh, my mom, she makes-agreat-a manicotti."

"I'm sorry. What?""My mom.She makes manicotti.

She makes it al dentewith-a ricotta cheese."

"Are you okay?'Cause--

You sound likeyou're really weird."

[ Chuckles ]I have an Irish heritage.I don't do that.

Oh, my mom, she makes a great[ High-Pitched Voice ]corn beef and cabbage!

[ In High-Pitched Voice ]It's magically delicious!

Then I Riverdancemy way home, you know?