Bonnie McFarlane - Having Kids

  • Season 12 , Ep 11
  • 02/14/2008
  • Views: 6,860

Never hit a baby, even if he starts it. (2:41)

- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]- OH, YOU GUYS, THAT'S SWEET.

BUT DON'T.IT'S NOT WORKING OUT.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S HARD.YOU KNOW, IT'S THE--

"KEEP IT SPICY."THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY SAYS.

BUT I HATE PORN. I JUST--I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG.

- THE MONEY WAS GREAT.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M A MARRIED WOMAN NOW.I DON'T THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE.

I GUESS THE BIGGEST ISSUE MYHUSBAND AND I ARE GONNA HAVE IS,

"HOW DO WE RAISE THE BABY?"YOU KNOW, BECAUSE

HE'S JEWISH AND I'M PROTESTANTAND THE BABY'S FATHER

IS CATHOLIC.SO IT DOES GET TRICKY. HA.

BUT I DIDN'T KNOWIF I WANTED TO HAVE A BABY.

I DIDN'T UM--UNTIL THE CONDOM BROKE.

AND THEN I MADE SOMETOUGH CHOICES.

[LAUGHTER]

I GOT A NEW DIAPHRAGM.I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

WELL, IT'S NEW TO ME. SO.I LOVE A GARAGE SALE, DON'T YOU?

[LAUGHTER AND OH'S]

- TOO MUCH. TOO MUCH.- [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

NO, YOU KNOW, WE LIVE NEXT DOORTO AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

AND WHEN I WOULDSEE THOSE KIDS OUT THERE,

GOD, THEY'RE SO ADORABLE.YOU KNOW, THEY REALLY ARE.

AND IT AFFECTED ME.IT DID. IT TOTALLY--

I STOPPED DRIVING AROUND DRUNKAT 3:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.

YES, THEY'RE SO PRECIOUS.THEY DESERVE THAT.

AND MY HUSBAND,HE'S GOT A FEW YEARS ON ME.

HE'S GOT KIDSFROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE.WHICH, I WAS LIKE,

"THIS'LL BE GREAT." I'LL GETTO PRACTICE AT BEING A MOM.

BUT THEY DON'T SEE ME AS APARENTAL FIGURE YET, YOU KNOW.

BUT THIS STUFF TAKES TIMEAND THEY'RE AT AN AWKWARD AGE.

- THEY'RE OLDER THAN ME.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M LIKE, "PUT DOWN YOUR SCOTCHAND GO TO BED."

- NOTHING. THEY DON'T LISTEN.- [LAUGHTER]

I THINK I'M GONNA BEA GOOD MOM, THOUGH.

NEVER HIT A BABY.DO YOU KNOW THAT?

EVEN IF THEY START IT, YEAH.YOU GOTTA BE THE ADULT.

MY BABY'S SO GOOD, THOUGH.SHE REALLY IS.

I'VE ONLY HAD TO SHAKE HER ONCE.SO SHE'S--

WOMEN STILL REALLYWANT TO GET MARRIED.

YOU KNOW, WOMEN STILLREALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED,

EVEN THOUGH THERE'S THISWHOLE LIKE WIFE-KILLING

EPIDEMIC GOING ON.MEN ARE KILLING THEIR WIVES.

REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS,WHEN THEY USED TO JUST

[BLEEP] US AROUND? THAT WASA MORE INNOCENT TIME. WASN'T IT?

I WOULD NEVERSTAY WITH A GUY WHO HIT ME.

I EVEN THINK IT'S CREEPYIF A GUY SAYS,"I WOULD NEVER HIT A GIRL."

'CAUSE THAT SHOULDGO WITHOUT SAYING.

THAT'S LIKEIF YOU HEARD A GUY GO,

"UH, I WOULD NEVERCRAP IN A HOT TUB."

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