Jeff Ross - Great Crowd

Jeff Ross Season 1, Ep 1 07/17/1996 Views: 4,419

New York crowds are intimidating. (2:00)

I just hope you like me, because

I'm, like, two hands away from a

day job.

I'm losing my ass, man.

You guys are, like, the nicest

crowds out here, man.

I'm from New York City, and I

get... I'm not proud of it.

I get intimidated sometimes.

Like, New York crowds can be

really tough.

Like, I did a show in Brooklyn a

few weeks ago.

I was terrified.

I'll admit it.

Some guy came up to me

afterwards, he goes, "You were

funny, man.

I laughed so hard I stabbed my


( laughter )

You guys cheered me up, man.

You really did.

I got wasted last night and I

hit an animal with my car...

in the lobby of Caesar's Palace.

How the hell does that happen?

( laughter )

I hope you like me, man.

The only thing worse that

bombing is bombing wearing a


I like your outfit, man.

That's beautiful.

You look like a hooker on

the Enterprise.

Jesus Christ.

( cheers and applause )

I'm just kidding.

I'm just teasing you.

Oh, my God.

"900 bucks, Captain."

( laughter )

"I'm the alien with five


( laughter )

No, it looks great.

( laughter )

This is going to be fun, man.

I can feel it.

I tried to lose some weight.

I'm on a diet.

I don't know.

See if you can back me up here.

You know you're getting fat when

you go to unbutton the top

button of your pants and you

already did it.

( laughter )

And I always wear the button fly

jeans, you know, so it's like

one button for dinner, two

buttons for dessert, three

buttons for Baywatch.

( laughter )

Pamela Anderson from Baywatch is

on the cover of the

new Playbo right?

My buddy calls me up, he's like,

"Jeff, Jeff, did you read it?"

I said, "Read it?

I ruined it."

( laughter )

Don't act like you don't get it,