Mike Lawrence - Amazing Pickup Lines

Mike Lawrence Season 2, Ep 10 05/31/2013 Views: 7,377

Mike Lawrence is going to prove to one special audience member that he is a sexual dynamo. (2:25)

But I know-- I know you guys are thinking--

You're looking at me,you're going, oh man.

That guy's a regular MC(bleep) magnet." And, no,

that's just my '80s rapper name.

And I'm gonna prove this to you.

I wrote...I wrote some pickup lines.

Um, ma'am, is it okay if I trysome pickup lines on you?

Can you say it loud enoughso it's consensual?

Okay, you ready?All right, here we go.

Let's get into it.(exhales)

Hey, baby.

My dick's like Nicolas Cage.

Because it'll be in anything.

You can't hearwhat she's saying,

but I'm pretty sure it's...

(retching sound)

Okay, here we go. Here we go.

I'm bisexual.

That means I'm straight enoughto notice a beautiful woman.

(clicks tongue)

But gay enough to treat herlike a person.

That's for my feminist majors.

Put a ring on it.


Ready? Okay.Let's get right into it.

(high-pitched chuckle)

She's smiling but cryingat the same time.

It's like The Diary of Lisa Frank.


Okay. Here we go.


Let's (bleep).

That's it. No. Good night.

And I just jump backinto the screen. No.

Okay, here we go. Here we go.

(chuckles)You look like Andy Dufresne

in Shawshank. "Let this end!"

(à la Morgan Freeman):"There was a sad girl in thefront row of the audience..."


"You either start gyratingor stop crying."


Okay. Here we go.


Let's (bleep).

It'll be just like one ofmy childhood birthday parties.

Because nobody (bleep).