Jack Whitehall - Running Away

Season 15, Ep 8 02/11/2011 Views: 8,275

Jack Whitehall's dad hated to show up at family functions with a son in green fishnet tights. (3:52)

My dad's veryembarrassing.

I-I was invited, right.

He-he's 70-years-old,and he's got to that level

where he just doesn't carewhat he says anymore, yeah.

I was invited in the U.K.To do this talk show,

and one of the other guestson the talk show

was the internationallyacclaimed rap superstar, Usher,

so I was veryexcited!

And before the show--yeah, Usher.

I thought, whatI'm gonna do, right,

I'm gonna introduce my dadto Usher in the greenroom.

That'll be a good idea,won't it?


My dad went up tousher and asked him

for directionsto his seat.

He thought Usherwas an usher.

[audience laughing]

When I was growing up,I used to argue a lot

with my dad over loadsof different things,

but there are a couplethat kept recurring.

Like one of them, right,is that when I was younger,

I went through a phasefor, I don't know,

about five years...

Where I really likedRobin Hood, and I mean,

really liked Robin Hood,to the level that I wanted

to dress up as himall the time,

and I mean, all the time.

And my dad hated this,the fact that

he had to turn up toevery single family function

that we were invited to

with his son in little,green fishnet tights.

'Cause he's hated itwhenever I'd behave

like that as a child.

He's always triedto cut it out.

Like, when I was 13,I was given rollerblades

by my mom for my birthday,'cause that's what I wanted.

My dad confiscated them.

He's like,"You're not having them.

"They're far too gay--Give them here."

'Cause he's always triedto clamp down on my campiness,

and I think you'll agree,he's done a fabulous job.

I mean...

[audience applauding]

He still does it.

He still does it.

We had one flash point,right, one year, okay--

It was a big one.

One-one Christmas, I reallywanted a Barbie, okay.

Not in that way.

I-I just wanted-I wanted action man

to have a date forthe ball, you know.

He's a soldier--He deserves it.

But my dad was like,"You're not having a Barbie.

"There's no wayI'm giving you a Barbie."

I was like, "Well,just give me my allowance.

"I will go outand buy the Barbie."

He was like, "I'm notgiving you allowance.

"You're not having it."

I was like,"Well, that's it.

"Then I'm running away.

"I'm leaving home.

"I'm going forever.

"You won't be seeing meagain-- Goodbye.

"I'm out of this house!

"I hate you!

"This is your last chance totell me that you love me.

"If you don't tell methat you love me now,

"I'm out of that door!

"Actually, mother,if I am to leave,

"I probably willrequire a bag,

"so maybe you couldpack it for me.

"I'm going to needsome provisions,

"an extra pairof tights,

"and father, give memy rollerblades!

"They are mine!

"Well, that's it.

"I am gone for goodthis time!

"I will not beseeing you again!

"Don't you dare tryand come and get me!

"I'm really gone now,mother!

"I'm in the hallway,mother!

[audience cheering]

"It's too latefor sorrys now!

"I'm nearly gone!

"I'm in the hallway!

"Don't you dare tryand come and get me!

"I'm by the doornow, mother!

"Goodbye, mother!

"I'm gone now!"

[audience laughing]

I'd never get very far.

What would happen, right,is I'd normally end up

waiting on the corner ofthe sidewalk for my father

to come and collect mein the car.

He'd have tocome in the car,

even though I was a hundredyards away from the house.

That wasn't the point.

I'd run away from home.

He was gettingin the car.

He'd have to driveto collect me.

He'd have togive me allowance,

so I could buymy Barbie doll.

He'd have to tell methat he loved me,

like a properfather would.

And then, we'd all go backhome and it would be

happy families againin the Whitehall household.

You get some really weirdlooks from the neighbors,

when age 13, you're stood onthe corner of the sidewalk

in little green fishnettights and rollerblades

looking like a hookerout of Starlight Express.

And then, essentially,slowly gettin' carpooled

by your own fatherwho drives up in a Mercedes,

puts down the window,

chucks some moneyat your feet and screams,

"I love you--now get in the car!"

[audience cheering, applauding]