Kumail Nanjiani - New Drug Cocktail

  • Season 4 , Ep 0407
  • 12/04/2009
  • Views: 42,275

You can't just sprinkle heroin on things and call it a new drug. (2:17)

Like, that's, seriously,that's the street name for it,

that's what they call it--cheese. I'm making it up.

I saw, like, four or fivenews reports

and they were like, "There'sa new drug, it's called cheese.

"Kids in the Midwestare doing it.

"It's an epidemic.

"It's a new drug.

"It's an epidemic.

It's a new drug."

So I looked up what cheese is.

Cheese is flu medicine

and heroin.

(laughter)

So really, it's heroin.

It's mostly heroin.

Heroin's doingthe heavy lifting

in that drug cocktail.

Not a new drug.

Mostly heroin.

I can't just, like, sprinklesome heroin on pancakes and go,

"I have createda new drug!

"I call it pan-shakes.

"Don't forgetthe special shake sauce."

It's just maple syrup.

And heroin.(laughter)

It's not a new drug, guys.

It's mostly heroin.

I think the last actualnew drug was,

uh, crystal meth.

Which you had to makein your bathtub.

And if you messed up

while you were making it,everything would explode--

and you would die.

That's how dangerousthat drug is.

Just trying to make itcan kill you...

forever.

And you make it just from stuffyou get at the grocery store.

To make cheese,you still need heroin.

(laughter)

You already have heroin.

It's very powerful.

Who are the peoplethat are like,

"You know what isn't reallydoing it for me anymore?

"All this heroin that I have.

"I wish I couldmake it stronger.

"I'm feeling the sniffles.

"I'm going to takethis medication...

"Oh, my God!

"This is amazing!

I will call this cheese."

(laughter)

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