DL Hughley - Shocked and Appalled

DL Hughley: Shocked and Appalled Season 1, Ep 101 05/15/2005 Views: 8,299

DL Hughley wonders why it took white people so long to figure out that the governor of New Jersey was gay. (2:05)

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PROMISE TO PROTECT YOU SO THEY

GIVE YOU STUPID THINGS.

"OH, IF WE EVER HAVE A CHEMICAL

ATTACK WE WANT YOU TO BUY

PLASTIC AND DUCK TAPE.

AND THAT WILL KEEP YOU SAFE."

[LAUGHTER]

AND WE WENT OUT AND BOUGHT IT.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

IT AMAZES ME THAT PEOPLE IN

THIS COUNTRY ARE ALWAYS SHOCKED,

LIKE WHITE FOLKS, YOU GUYS ARE

ALWAYS SHOCKED AND APPALLED.

LIKE, [CAUCASIAN ACCENT]

"I'M SHOCKED AND APPALLED.

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

I'M SHOCKED AND APPALLED.

I..."

YOU KNOW WHY BLACK PEOPLE ARE

NEVER SHOCKED?

'CAUSE TO BE SHOCKED YOU GOT

TO BELIEVE THAT THINGS ARE

DIFFERENT THAN YOU BELIEVE

THEY ARE.

NOTHING SHOCKS BLACK PEOPLE.

WE ALWAYS BELIEVE PEOPLE AIN'T

[BLEEP].

[LAUGHTER]

WE DO!

WE BELIEVE IT!

[APPLAUSE]

EVERYBODY WAS SHOCKED THAT THE

NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR WAS GAY

EXCEPT BLACK PEOPLE.

WE WAS LIKE GOING, "UH, I KNEW

HE WAS GAY.

I COULD TELL, I KNEW HE WAS

GAY."

[LAUGHTER]

A SPACE SHIP COULD LAND IN HERE

RIGHT NOW WHITE FOLK WILL

RUN UP.

BLACK FOLK WILL, "I KNEW IT!

I KNEW IT 'CAUSE MY KNEE WAS

HURTING.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHEW!

WHEW!

AND MY KNEE ALWAYS HURT WHEN

SOME BULL [BLEEP] ABOUT TO

HAPPEN.

AS A MATTER OF FACT WHAT'S

TODAY?

THE 20th, I'M A PLAY THAT

NUMBER, DAMN THAT...

TRY TO SEE..."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU GO TO THE AIRPORT THEY

MAKE YOU TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES.

LIKE BLACK PEOPLE ARE GONNA

HAVE A BOMB IN OUR [BLEEP] DAMN

SHOES.

AS MUCH MONEY WE PAY FOR SHOES

YOU MUST BE OUT YOUR MIND.

I MEAN, REALLY.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I MEAN OUR SHOES IS THE BOMB

BUT THEY AIN'T A BOMB.

[LAUGHTER]

WHY YOU MESSING WITH ME ANYWAY?

USE SOME COMMON SENSE.

LOOK FOR THE MOTHER [BLEEP]

TIPTOEING DOWN THE AISLE.

THAT'S THE ONE...

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"MOVE BACK, I AM FINE.

I AM FINE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]