Anthony Jeselnik - Fancy Lingerie

Lissow, Jeselnik, Corry, Williams Season 9, Ep 904 01/13/2006 Views: 52,775

Anthony gets into a car accident with a just-married couple. (2:20)

AND SHE ACTUALLY GOT MAD. SHE SAID, "ANTHONY,

I THINK THIS IS MORE OF A GIFT FOR YOU THAN IT IS FOR ME."

AND, I SAID, "WELL, IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL,

IT WAS ORIGINALLY A GIFTFOR MY LAST GIRLFRIEND."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

[LAUGHTER]

LAST WEEKENDMY GIRLFRIEND'S PARENTSCAME INTO TOWN.

TOOK US OUT TO DINNER. AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT

UNTIL THEY ASKED ME,"ANTHONY, WHEN DO WE GETTO MEET YOUR PARENTS?"

AND I SAID, "WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I'M NOT THAT SERIOUS ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I GOT IN A CAR ACCIDENTWITH A BRAND SPANKIN'

NEWLY MARRIED COUPLE.I MEAN, THERE'S TIN CANSALL OVER THE STREET.

THE "JUST MARRIED" SIGN IS CRUMPLED UP ON THE GROUND.

I SEE THE GROOM GET OUT OF THE CAR FURIOUS.

AND I'M THINKIN', "HOW AM I GONNA GET OUT OF THIS?"

SO I SAID, "LOOK, WE COULD EXCHANGE INSURANCE INFORMATION BUT THAT IS

NOT GONNA BRING BACK YOUR WIFE."

Audience: OOH!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHEN I WAS 13 MY PARENTS SAT ME DOWN AND THEY TOLD ME

THAT I HAD BEEN ADOPTED.AND I GOT PRETTY UPSET.

I SAID, "WELL, WHY'D YOU PICK ME, MOM AND DAD?

WAS I SPECIAL?" AND THEY SAID, "YES, ANTHONY VERY SPECIAL.

"BECAUSE OF ALL THE BABIES WE HAD TO CHOOSE FROM,

YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE THAT WAS WHITE."

Audience: OH!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I APPRECIATE THAT.

A LOT OF PEOPLEWON'T LAUGH AT THAT JOKE

'CAUSE THEY THINK THAT IT MIGHT BE JUST A LITTLE BIT RACIST.

WELL, WHAT THOSE PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY CAN'T UNDERSTAND

- IS I DON'T CARE. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]