Kevin Iso - Athlete's Mouth & Color-Coded Robbers

The Young Man and the Pig Season 3, Ep 5 03/31/2016 Views: 893

Kevin Iso explains his distrust of feet and devises a system to tell who's serious about wanting to rob him. (2:20)

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Not a fan of feet at all.

I hate feet.

To me, feet are like

the first and lastpiece of bread.

Like, I know they there--

[laughter]

I know they therefor a reason,

but I'm never gonnaput them in my mouth.

You know what I'm saying?

[laughter]

There's too many peoplewith regular lives

and homeless feetwalking around.

Like, you ever see--you ever see the toes

where the second toe come outlonger than the first one?

It look like--

look like somebody tryingto hand you a cigarette.

You're like, "Yo, look, I don'tfucking smoke Lucy's like that."

[laughter]No, no feet like that.

Keep that shit to yourself.

That's how you getathlete's mouth.

[laughter]

I used to talk to a girl.

She had, like,one regular toe.

And then the second onewas nubbed.

And then the third onecame out like that, so--

And then one night,I pushed them both together.

[laughter]

And she was like,"What are you doing?"

I was like, "Playing Tetris."

[laughter]

That's why I likethe wintertime.

I don't got to seepeople's toes at all.

And in the wintera lot of the time,

I can wear, like, my hoodies

and feel safe.

Sometimes I wear hoodiesnot 'cause I'm cold,

but just 'cause, like,I want to blend in

with my neighborhood.

Like, I live in the Bronx,and it's just that

you less likely to get robbed

if you look like you on your wayto rob somebody.

[laughter]Just want to say it.

They're not gonnarun up on you.

"Yo, should we rob him?"

It's like, "Nah, he on his wayto work right now," right?

"We'll get him on his way back."

And I'm not coming back.

I'm going home to watch "Veep,"

'cause I fucl withthat show a lot.

It's a really good show.woman: Yeah!

- My friend almostgot robbed once.

When we was in high school,

some dude ran up on him,and he was like,

"Give me your shit!"

And my friend was like, "No!"

And the dude was like, "A'ight."

And then he--[laughter]

And he walked away,and I asked my friend--

I was like, "Yo,what made you say that?

Man, he could'vetook your life."

And he was just like,"I just looked in his eyes,

"and I saw that he ain'thave it in him

to do what he wastrying to do,"

which is a brave thing to say,

'cause everybodycan't do that.

I wish it was easier--

like, I was there was a method.

Like, I wish robberswore color-coded hoodies

the same way kids do inkarate class with they belts,

so you know theyexperience level--

you know what I'm saying--

for robbing.

[laughter]

Like, somebody run up on youlike, "Give me your shit!"

You're like, "Nah, you stilla white hoodie, bro."

[laughter]

Don't come to me when youa third-degree murder.