Roast Battle II - Alex Hooper vs. Matthew Broussard

Roast Battle II: Night Three - Uncensored Season 2, Ep 7 01/28/2017 Views: 3,534

Alex Hooper calls Matthew Broussard a nerd who can't please women, and Matthew fires back with a brutal 80s reference. (6:14)

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[bell dinging]

- Ladies and gentlemenof "Roast Battle,"

give it up for my opponent,Ken doll Jenner.

[laughter]

You gorgeous,aristocratic queef.

You--you look like a manwho would stab his horse

after losing a polo match.

[laughter]

- I look like a Ken doll.

You look like a Chucky dollafter a house fire.

[laughter]

Let's address the elephant manin the room.

Alex is only 31 years old.

If wrinkles add character,

he has a very strongGmail password.

[laughter]

- Thank you, Hugh Jackmanoff.

Matthew has a degree inmathematics and builds models.

He's such a nerdthat when a girl asked him

to fill up her box,he completed a Sudoku.

[snoring sound effect]

- Alex Hooperis why you don't

feed Richard Simmonsafter midnight.

[laughter]

[dramatic music]

[car alarm blaring]

- Battle! Battle!

[car alarm blaring]

- What the [bleep]?

- Let me tell you all a tale.[chuckles]

Before comedy, Matthew workedas a financial anal-ist.

In fact,his family has been

Merrill Lynching black peoplefor years.

[laughs and groans]

- See, the thing is I don't wantto say anything too mean

about Alex because thenI'm gonna feel bad

when he diesof whatever it is he has.

[laughter]

- Last joke.

- Thank you, Aryan Seacrest.

[laughter]

Matthew is suchan alt-right Jew...

he spells Hanukkahwith three Ks.

[laughter]

[thunder booms]

- Alex is actuallya working actor.

He does pretty wellfor himself.

He just caston the new season

of "Law and Order:Burn Victims Unit."

[laughter, bell dinging]

- Last battleof the quarterfinals.

Alex Hooper,Matthew Broussard.

Judges, do someof that judging shit.

- Wow.That was truly hilarious.

Matthew, he was likeyour imaginary friend

that you don't believe inanymore.

[laughter]

- Oh, my God.

- I love bothof these comedians so, so much.

Alex Hooper, super,

super [bleep] amazingperformance tonight.

And, Broussard, stoic,just under all that craziness.

- I only came herefor the hug.

- Sarah?- This is really hard.

I mean--- So was Alex.

- Alex--- That's all it is.

- Alex could easily beform over function.

You would think that yourwriting wouldn't be as strong

because you're kind ofall performance, but it is.

The KKK-Hanukkah thingis really great and everything.

Matthew,you are a great writer.

Elephant man in the room,

Wave, did you guys decideon the elephant underwear

when he said elephant manin the room

or just coincidence?

all: Whoa!

- Okay, sorry, who won?[bleep]!

Ah, shit!Do you want to--

- Am I tagging in on this?- Tag in on this.

- That's fine.- Should I pander to you as well

first, Jonathan?

- You know what? Because his--he's got a whole character.

- [laughing] Everything's gonnabe fine. The whole thing.

- But in terms of, like,joke writing,

I mean, I would give itto Matthew,

but Alex is kind ofthe whole package.

Alex, I can't even figure outyour outfit.

First of all, you knowI love a fashion tight,

but where do you tuckyour vagina?

- Right into my asshole,Sarah.

Exactly where it belongs.

- Of course.

Who won this for you?Do you know?

- He's part cat.- I am neither male nor female.

I am simply here.

[laughter]

- I find thatgenuinely beautiful, I do.

- Well, Matthew,you got him hard

on dies from whatever it ishe has 'cause it's funny.

The Gmail password joke,very abstract.

Very abstract.- That alone I feel like

wins it for him.- Loved it, loved it.

And Richard Simmons, of course,it's always great

when you can say somethingwe've all thought,

but never really articulatedto ourselves.

And that's what I was thinkingwithout knowing it.

So I got to give it to Matthew.I'm gonna give it to Matthew.

- Oh. All right, Jeff,who do you like?

- Ugh, such an amazing,

amazing performanceon both your parts.

Alex, you had someof the best jokes

I've ever heard you tell today.- Thank you.

- You brought your gameto this tournament.

You were so funnythe other night.

You did somethingcompletely different tonight.

But, Matthew,your writing tonight,

holy shit.

Gmail password.The whole thing.

I was blown awayby the way you--

you really redeemed yourselfin the last tournament.

You went out way too soon,and now look at you.

You made the finals, buddy.Congratulations.

- Whoa!- Thank you.

- He wins in life,and he wins right now--

Matthew Broussard!

[cheers and applause]