Nikki Glaser - Mom's Old Name

Nikki Glaser: Perfect Season 1, Ep 1 04/09/2016 Views: 1,177

Nikki Glaser has realized that a woman's surname becomes meaningless after she takes her husband's name. (1:48)

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I also don't like the factthat when you get married,

as a woman you just kind ofgive up your last name.

Like, you really--it's niceto take your husband's name,

but then you're like,"Oh, this thing

"I've had my whole lifethat's my whole identity

"that my great-grandparentscame through Ellis Island with?

"I'll just throw itin the trash.

This guy seems cool.Bye."

Like, that's--What?

You really, like--your name is nothing

after you get married.

All it isis, like, your shithead son's

bank accountsecurity question answer.

That's all your name is.

[laughter]

What?

Only time it comes up,yeah.

[applause]

And he's got to call you,'cause he doesn't even know it.

Like,that's the one call

you get from him a month.

"Mom, I'm lockedout of my account again.

Hey, what's your old name?"

He calls it an old name.

You're like,"You mean my maiden name?"

He's like, "Whatever.""Uh, Jones."

He's like,"Can you spell it?"

And you're like, "[bleep] Doug.Like, Jesus Christ."

[laughter]

"Why couldn't youstay a baby?"

That is weirdthat that's the question

that they came up with.

Like, the banks were like,"What worthless piece

"of informationcould we ask for

"that no one would everknow about this man

to protect his finances?"

And some guy's like,"What about his mother's name?"

And they're like, "Perfect.Who gives a shit, right?"

[laughter]

"His mother's name."

[laughter]

That's the question?That's--so is that--

That seems like somethingpeople should know about you,

but it's that question,then your first concert.

So it's your name, and thenyour son's first concert

are just--Your name and Limp Bizkit

are just fightingfor the top spot.

[laughter]

So rude.