The Cheesecake Factory Finally Surrenders

Wednesday, February 15, 2017 02/15/2017 Views: 441

Chris is not entirely convinced that the Cheesecake Factory will meet his demands, so Wil Wheaton, Drew Carey and Heather Anne Campbell prepare for a possible betrayal. (1:57)

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Well, it only took three days

of calculatednonsensical extortion.

But it brings me more joy

than I can possibly expressto you to announce

that at 1:23 p.m. today,

The Cheesecake Factory offeredtheir official surrender.

Okay @midnight, we surrender.

-DM us for details for the drop.-(cheering and applause)

Very smart move.

Our Twitter onslaughtwas probably

the biggest (bleep) stormyou've ever had to deal with

since your poorly thought outsundried oysters promotion,

which really was a bad idea.


But the clock is still ticking,okay?

So we hope you're gonna do theright thing.

We hope you're gonna send yourCEO, Orville Cheesencaker,

or whatever his name is,

here tomorrow with cheesecakesfor everybody.

But just in caseyou change your minds,

we've taken out a littleinsurance policy.

Take a look.


Yeah, that's right, cheesecake.

We're gonna keepyour friend here

company for the next 24 hours

to make sure you don't tryanything funny.

So, comedians, because I'ma cautious man,

how could Cheesecake Factorystill double-cross us?

Drew Carey.

All the cheesecakeswill be from Denny's.


HARDWICK:Damn you.


Mine has ham chunks in it.What is this?


They're gonna tell youthat it's broccolini,

but it's really just littlepieces of unwanted broccoli.

HARDWICK:All right, points, yeah.


The only one gettingdouble-crossed is Drew,

who just found out thatcheesecakes come tomorrow night.

HARDWICK:Yes, all right, points.

-CAREY: Oh, what?-HARDWICK: Yeah, I know.

-What a bummer, what a bummer.-What?

Wait a minute. I specificallydemanded on Twitter last night

that an entire cheesecakebe brought for me tonight.

HARDWICK: We're hoping thatthe-- you know, some people,

some people are like,"Is this a promo--?"

This is not a promotion.

We full on went afterCheesecake Factory.

So we will see you tomorrownight, cheesecake.