Coolness - Some Jokes About Coolness

  • Season 1 , Ep 6
  • 03/18/2009
  • Views: 75,794

Demetri Martin suggests a badass a cappella concert ending and questions the continued use of strobe lights. (2:06)

IT'S COOL AT THE END TO SMASHYOUR INSTRUMENTS.

THAT LOOKS SO BADASS, YOU KNOW.

IT'S HARDER IF YOU'REIN AN A CAPELLA GROUP THOUGH.

THE BEST THING THEY CAN DO ISJUST, LIKE,

PUNCH EACH OTHER IN THE MOUTHWHEN THE SHOW'S OVER.

"WOW, THIS IS A HARD-ASSA CAPELLA GROUP, MAN."

I LEARNED THAT IF YOU WANTTO GET OUT OF A CONVERSATION,

LIKE AT A PARTY OR SOMETHING,

BUT I WANT TO BE COOL ABOUT IT,YOU CAN'T JUST, LIKE, WALK AWAY.

THAT'S RUDE, YOU KNOW.

ALL YOU DO IS ANNOUNCE THE NEXTTHING THAT YOU'RE GONNA DO.

THEN YOU'RE FREE TO GO.

"REALLY, THAT WAS YOUR FIRSTSUMMER JOB?

I'M GONNA GETSOME POTATO CHIPS."

THEN YOU'RE FREE.

"REALLY, THAT'S YOURGRANDMOTHER'S MIDDLE NAME?

I'M GONNA GO WALK IN A CIRCLE."

NO PROBLEM.

THE BEST IS,

"OH, I GOT TO GOTO THE BATHROOM.

"I'M SORRY, YEAH.

"I CAN'T STAY HERE,'CAUSE MY BLADDER'S

"KIND OF FORCING MEOUT OF THIS CONVERSATION.

OKAY, I'LL SEE YOU."

I DID THAT ONCE,AND I GOT A COUPLE STEPS AWAY,

AND THEN I GOT INTO

A MORE INTERESTING CONVERSATIONOVER HERE.

BUT THEN I MADE EYE CONTACTWITH THE FIRST GUY,

AND HE LOOKED AT ME LIKE:

SO I HAD TO PEE IN MY PANTS.

"HUH? YOU THOUGHT I WAS LYING.

WHAT'S THAT?"

I THINK A COOL THING TO DOWOULD BE TO GO TO A PARTY,

AND WHEN PEOPLE SAY,"WHAT DO YOU DO?"

SAY, "I MAKE BUSINESS CARDSFOR A LIVING."

AND THEN PULL ONE OUTTHAT SAYS, "SEE?"

I THINK SWORD SWALLOWINGWOULD LOOK WAY COOLER

IF, WHEN THE GUYPULLED THE SWORD OUT,

THERE WAS A PIECE OF FOODON THE TIP OF IT.

"THIS GUY IS GOOD.

LOOKS LIKE HE HAD CORNOR SOMETHING."

STROBE LIGHTS CAUSE SEIZURESIN SOME PEOPLE.

AND WE STILL HAVE STROBE LIGHTS.

HOW DID THAT WORK OUT?

"LOOK, I UNDERSTAND YOU MIGHTSWALLOW YOUR TONGUE.

BUT THESE GUIDOS NEED TO PARTY."

Loading...