One time we were sitting on thecouch, right?
And my--and we're watching TV.
It's a true story.This is so fucked up.
She goes,"Josep. Josep."
I go,"What, Grandma? What?"
She's like, "I just want youto know that when I--
when I pass away--"
I'm like, "Grandma, please.Don't talk like that.
I don't like it when you talk--""No, it's okay, Josep.
"I am okay with it,you should be okay with it also.
"But when I pass away,I just want you to know
that every timeyou go to sleep"...
"I'm going to bewatching you."
"SometimesI will tickle your toes,
"and you'll wake up,
"and then you'll lookat your feet,
and then I'll go,'Ahhh.'"
One time, I was taking her back,right, from chemo,
and I laid heron her bed, right?
I put her on the bed,and I go,
"Lola, if you need anything,just call me.
"I'll be right here.I'll take care of you, okay?
Just call me."She's like, "Okay, Josep.
Love you."I go, "I love you."
And I started to walk out,and she goes, "Josep!
Bless me!Bless me!"
If you're not Filipino, let metell you what blessing is.
This is what we dowith our elders.
When you leave and you saygood-bye to your elders,
this is what we do.
Can you stand up?Just stand--
let me touch your--get your hand,
and you touchthe forehead like that.
It's a sign of respect.That's what we do.
We don't look at our eldersand go, "Fuck you, peace."
We don't do that.
"Bye, bitch."And then walk.
We show respect.That's what you do.
And she was like,"Josep, bless me.
You can't leave withoutblessing your grandmother."
And I was like,"Oh, my God, Grandma.
I'm so sorry.I'll be right there."
And I go,and I grab her hand, right.
And I go to touch my forehead,and before I touch my forehead,
she grabbed my dick and went,"I got your tite!"
I'm like, "Fuck!"
© 2015 Comedy Partners. All Rights Reserved. Comedy Central and all related titles, logos and characters are trademarks of comedy partners.