Rich Vos - Heart-Shaped Tub

  • Season 12 , Ep 12
  • 02/14/2008
  • Views: 14,153

Rich had a quite a time to remember in the Poconos. (2:14)

AND I WAS DIVORCEDWHEN THEY WERE YOUNG.

THEY WERE LIKE FOUR AND TWO.AND THEY TOOK IT TOUGH.

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I TOLD 'EMIT WAS THEIR FAULT, YOU KNOW.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ME AND YOUR MOM CAN'T LIVETOGETHER WITH YOU GUYS HERE,

SO SOMEONE'S GOTTA GOAND YOU'RE IN A STROLLER,

AND YOU'RE JUST A CRAPIN' MESS.

[LAUGHTER]

SEE NOW MY FIRST WIFE,I REMEMBER WHENSHE WAS MOVING OUT.

AND THIS WAS REALLY DEPRESSING

WHEN MY FIRST WIFEWAS MOVING OUT--

I WAS VERY DEPRESSED,IT WAS CHRISTMAS EVE DAY,

THAT NIGHT CHRISTMAS EVE,

I HAD TO DO A SHOW AT ACOUPLES RESORT IN THE POCONO'S.

I HAVE TO MAKE 500 HAPPY IN LOVEHOLIDAY COUPLES LAUGH

AND I WANNA BLOW MY BRAINS OUTI'M SO DEPRESSED.

SO I DO THIS SHOW THE RESORT,

OKAY, THEN I GO BACK TO MY ROOM.

NOW I'M SITTING INA HEART-SHAPED TUB

WITH 30 MIRRORS AROUND MEMASTURBATING AND CRYING

- AT THE SAME TIME, OKAY?- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DO YOU KNOW HOW DEPRESSING IT ISTO SEE YOURSELF IN 30 MIRRORS?

WELL, I FINISHED'CAUSE I STARTED, OKAY.

AND I DON'T KNOWIF YOU KNOW THIS,

BUT WHEN YOUMASTURBATE IN THE TUB,

WELL THE FINISHED PRODUCTRISES TO THE TOP.

NOW IT'S COMING AT MELIKE JELLYFISH.

AND I'M TRYING TO DODGE IT,'CAUSE IF IT HITS ME

- IT MIGHT MAKE ME GAY AGAIN.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO I GOT REMARRIED MY WIFE.

I MARRIED A CANADIAN.I WENT LOW BUDGET.

[LAUGHTER]

DUMB CANADA.WE DON'T NEED THEIRHELP IN IRAQ

WITH THEIR DUMB ARMY ON HORSES.

"PUT THE TANKS AWAY,THEY HAVE HORSES.

I THINK WE'RE BEING ATTACKEDBY THE RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL."

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