Mike Bridenstine - First Time Drinking

A Good Day to Direct Hard Season 2, Ep 8 10/24/2014 Views: 1,848

While his sister threw her first middle school house party, Mike Bridenstine roamed his neighborhood as a drunken sixth-grader. (1:06)

I WAS IN SIXTH GRADE,

AND MY SISTERWAS IN EIGHTH GRADE.

SHE HAD THE PARTY.

SHE HAD THE FIRST, LIKE,

MY-PARENTS-ARE-GONEBEER PARTY.

I WAS IN SIXTH GRADE,SO EIGHTH GRADERS ARE AWESOME.

SO I COULDN'T WAITFOR HER FRIENDS

TO BE THERE WITH BOOBS.

IT WAS GONNA BE AMAZING.

BUT SHE'S LIKE,"YOU CAN'T BE HERE."

AND I WAS LIKE,"I WILL TELL.

I WILL TELL ON YOU."

AND SHE GOES,"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

AND I GO "THREE THINGS!"

WHICH WAS DUMB,BECAUSE THEN I HAD TO THINK OF

THREE THINGS REAL FAST.

I GO, "ONE,I CAN STAY HERE TONIGHT."

AND SHE'S LIKE, "FINE.JUST COME BACK LATER."

AND I GO, "TWO"--THIS ONE IS REAL--

I GO, "NO ONE CAN BEIN MY BEDROOM."

'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANTEIGHTH GRADERS DOING, LIKE,

EIGHTH GRADE STUFFIN MY ROOM.

DO YOU GUYS REMEMBERDRY HUMPING?

LIKE, HOT JEAN-ON-JEAN ACTION?

I'D HEARD ABOUT IT,AND I DIDN'T WANT IT HAPPENING

IN MY ROOM.

"AND THREE," I GO--I THOUGHT THIS ONE GOT HER.

I WAS LIKE,"NO ONE CAN USE MY BATHROOM."

SHE'S LIKE, "THEY'LL JUST USETHE OTHER BATHROOM."

SO I LEFT,BUT BEFORE I DID,

I TOOK FOUR BEERS,AND I RODE AROUND ON MY BICYCLE

DRINKING ALL FOUR BEERS

TILL I GOT [bleep] UP.

THAT'S HOW MANY IT TAKES.