Tracy Morgan - Fantasies

Tracy Morgan: One Mic Season 1, Ep 101 08/26/2002 Views: 7,247

Tracy Morgan warns everyone to be prepared before they share secret fantasies with their spouse. (4:22)

I know we all like to fantasizewith our ladies and stuff.

Some fantasiesare best left fantasies.

You know how you beenwith your lady for a long time.

You be like, "Whoa!"

Y'all be in the kitchen,she cooking.

Be like, "Whoa!

I ever told youwhat my fantasy is?"

Now, judging from the amountof porno tapes she got

she knows some sick stuff.

So she be like, "What, Ricky?

What's your fantasy?"

"I'm-- I'm saying-- why yougotta say it like that?

"Why you gotta say it like that?

I'm just saying, though.You know, what I'm saying?"

You never get to the point.

You know,I'm just saying, you know.

"I'm just saying.

Man, you ain't gottasay it like that."

And she done bruised your ego.

You wanted to share somethingwith her

and she-- you see her attitude,so you get mad.

"I'm saying, you ain't haveto go-- you come at it.

"You don't have to say itlike that.

It's my fantasy, man."

"What's your fantasy?"

"I'm cookin'-- I've got thismacaroni-- I'm cookin'."

"What's your fantasy?I want to hear it.

"I'm sayin', you alwaysfantasize about me and you

and another female."

Female, you know.

Get technicaland you say "female."

( laughing )

If you're lucky, she's that oneof the women that she love you.

She trusts you.

"Yeah, I'll-- I'll try.Yeah, I love you.

"Yeah, I trust you.I'd try anything with you once.

You can even pick outthe woman."

So you go get a fine woman,you know what I'm sayin'?

Bring her back to the crib.

Comes straightfrom the strip club.

You ain't gonna find themon the street

or in the supermarketor anything.

And you gave her like $200

and she wants $50 more aftershe-- before she leave.

So you bring her to the crib...

"Oh, hold on, there's my wife."

Open the door. "Boo! Boo!

"Come here!

"Hold on a second;she in the toilet?

"She on the toilet. Hold up.

"Boo, this is Bankrupt.

"Bankrupt, this is my wife.

"Let's go in the room.Let's go in the room.

Let's go in the room.Let's go in the room."

Y'all go in the room.Y'all get busy.

Y'all get busy.

They just cold neglect you.

( laughing )

You're only necessaryas long as you're useful.

When you're not useful,you're no longer necessary.

So they-- you knowwhat I'm sayin'?

It's all good.Y'all have a good time.

Two weeks later,y'all be in the kitchen

she be, like, "Ricky...

have I told youwhat my fantasy is?"

You know men.

We psychologically-- we can'treally deal with that, you know?

So you get mad.

You be like,"What you mean 'fantasy?'

"You be fantasizing and stuff?

"What you be fantasizing about?

"I already got a job.

"What you befantasizing about, man?

"What's your fantasy about, man?

What's your fantasyabout, man?"

You thinkin' she gonna sayshe want to see Bankrupt again.

She be, like,"Now, what you getting--

"why do you gotta getan attitude and stuff?

"I was just talkin' to Barbaraand I just said

I always wanted me,you and another man."

So you gotta give it back,'cause she looked out.

So you be like, "All right,you can go pick out the dude."

But, you know,women gotta go all out.

They'll all go get some dude

named DominiqueMandingo Jackson.

This dude's packageis so big he carry--

he pull it in a wheelbarrow.

When he travel, he put it upin the overhead compartment.

"Sir! Sir, you gonna have to--you gonna have to check that."

Veins and everything, you know?

Got them veins in there,you know?

Tear your wife apart.

Pow. Pow. Pow.

You can't believe this.

She's never performedlike this with you.

You become discouraged.

These two grown folks on thebed, feet touchin' and stuff.

You just be, like, you know...

"I'm gonna be over here inthe other room with the kids.

I'm gonna play some PlayStationand stuff with them."

( laughter and applause )