Brad Mastrangelo - State Trooper

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 3,729

State troopers take an hour and a half to write a ticket. (1:39)

(Brad Mastrangelo)NOW WE'VE ALL BEEN PULLEDOVER BY A STATE TROOPER.

IS IT ME OR DO THEY TAKEABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF

TO GIVE YOU THE DAMN TICKET?

FIRST OF ALL, HE PARKSABOUT A MILE AND AHALF IN BACK OF ME.

SO FAR BACK, I'M NOT EVENSURE I'M THE GUY HE WANTED.

AND THEN HE GETSOUT OF THE CAR

AND HE BECOMES ACHIPPENDALE'S DANCER.

THEY'RE ALWAYS DOINGTHIS WITH THE BELT,THE CHEST OUT...

IT'S SO GREAT, HE WALKSUP TO ME... HE SAYS,

"DO YOU KNOW HOW FASTYOU WERE GOING?"

I LOOK RIGHT AT HIM, I SAY,

OBVIOUSLY NOTQUITE FAST ENOUGH.

YOU CAUGHT ME... HOWFAST WERE YOU GOING?

'CAUSE YOU WERE FLYINGFOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

I'M DRIVING ALONG,MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS,

I LOOK IN THE REAR VIEWMIRROR, I SEE SOME NUT CAKE...

IN AND OUT,BLAS-SIREN'S ARE ON.

I SAID, "THIS GUY'SCRAZY, I'M OUTTA HERE!"

WHY DON'T THEY SHUTTHE LIGHTS OFF?

I MEAN, IF WE PULL OVERTHAT MEANS WE QUIT.

BUT NO, THEY GOTTAKEEP THE LIGHTS ON,

EMBARRASS THE PISS OUT OF YA.

RIGHT--AND YOU'RELIKE ME...

YOU START SINKING LOWERINTO YOUR CHAIR, RIGHT?

PEOPLE ARE DRIVINGBY, FLIPPING YOU OFF.

YOU KNOW, LAUGHING AT YOU.

AND I'M GOING, AWWJUST SHOOT ME.

TAKE THE GUN AND SHOOT ME.

WE'VE ALL BEEN INTHIS SITUATION.

YOU'RE DRIVING ANDYOU'RE IN TRAFFIC...

YOU'RE NOT GOINGANYWHERE, RIGHT?

NOW, YOU'RE LIKE ME, YOULOOK OVER THAT BIGBEAUTIFUL BREAK-DOWN LANE,

BUT YOU NOW THAT'S A HUGEFINE IF YOU GET CAUGHT.

SO I SNAP LAST WEEK ANDI'M GOIN' THROUGH IT.

ALL OF THE SUDDEN, MR. STATETROOPER RIGHT BEHIND ME,

AND I'M READY FOR THISBASTARD THIS TIME.

HE COMES OVER AND, WHOA,I SWEAR TO GOD HE SAYS,

"DO YOU KNOW WHY I'MPULLING YOU OVER?"

I LOOK RIGHT AT HIM, I SAY,

I HAVE NO IDEA, OFFICER.

I'M IN THE MIDDLEOF A BREAK DOWN.

IT SAID BREAK DOWN LANE, ITHOUGHT THIS WAS MY LANE.

UH-UH-UH-UH...

THE BEST PART...THE COP GOES,

OH, OKAY, FOLLOWME, COME ON...

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