Uncensored - Steve Rannazzisi - Miracle of Childbirth

Steve Rannazzisi: Manchild Season 1, Ep 101 11/16/2013 Views: 6,307

Steve Rannazzisi explains why the birthing process is not as miraculous as some people may think. (2:22)

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MY WIFE WAS IN LABORTHE SECOND TIME FOR 6 HOURS.

FIRST TIME, 17,

SO I THINK THAT MY FIRST SON

KIND OF GREASED THE WHEELSON THE WAY OUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

YEAH, 17 HOURS IS A LONG TIME.

PEOPLE TALK ABOUT IT AS THOUGHIT'S THE MIRACLE OF LIFE.

LET ME TELL YOU GUYS SOMETHING.

I WAS IN THAT ROOMFOR ALL 17 HOURS,

AND VERY LITTLE OF ITIS MIRACULOUS.

OKAY? THIS ISHOW IT REALLY GOES DOWN.

EVERY 10 MINUTES,SOMEONE COMES INTO THE ROOM.

THEY DON'T TELL YOU WHO THEY AREOR WHY THEY'RE THERE.

THERE'S NO EXPLANATION.THEY JUST LOOK OFFICIAL ENOUGH.

THEY'VE GOT ALL THE STUFFIN THE RIGHT SPOTS

TO BE ABLE TO WALKINTO YOUR ROOM, WILLY-NILLY,

AND JUST SHOVE THEIR HANDS INTOYOUR WIFE'S VAGINA LIKE THIS.

THERE'S NO EYE CONTACT.IT'S NOT BEAUTIFUL.

THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE JUSTLOOKING FOR CHANGE IN A COUCH.

AND THEN THEY'RE GONE,

AND YOU'RE LIKE,"WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT?!

"SHOULD I CALL MY LAWYEROR SOMETHING RIGHT NOW?

WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?"

BUT YOU'RE SO TIREDAFTER 17 HOURS,

YOU'RE JUST LIKE,"AW, FUCK IT.

"SOMEONE ELSE'S HAND'SIN MY WIFE'S VAGINA,

SO I'M JUST GONNA KEEPWATCHING "SportsCenter."

SOMEONE LET ME KNOW

WHEN THIS LITTLE MIRACLEIS GOING TO OCCUR, PLEASE.

MY WIFE HAD MORE HANDSIN HER VAGINA IN 17 HOURS,

I WAS GONNA CHANGE HER NAMETO KARDASHIAN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

MY NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBORHAS FIVE DAUGHTERS.

YEAH. FIVE.

EVERY DAY I SEE HIM,

I AM SO SURPRISEDHE HASN'T KILLED HIMSELF.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I LOOK OUT THE WINDOW,AND I'M LIKE, "OH, MY GOD!

"THERE HE IS AGAIN!

"ANOTHER TEA PARTYON THE FRONT LAWN.

HEY, BUDDY, KEEP IT UP!YOU'RE DOING A GOOD JOB!"

FIVE DAUGHTERS.

HE'S GOT A 16-YEAR OLD,TRIPLET 13-YEAR-OLDS --

[ CROWD GROANS ]

LISTEN TO YOU GUYS.

YOU GUYS --

"OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!"

YEAH.

AND THEY HAD SEX AGAINAFTER THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I WOULD'VE CUT IT OFF.

HE WAS PROBABLY LIKE, "COME ON.

GIVE ME SOMEONE I CAN PEESTANDING UP WITH, PLEASE!"

NO. ANOTHER DAUGHTER,

A BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRLNAMED FAITH.

THEY NAMED HER FAITH.

YEAH, I WOULD HAVE NAMED HER"BLACK TAR HEROIN ADDICTION."

[ LAUGHTER ]

MIDDLE NAME -- "COME ON!"