John Oliver - Real Problem

  • Season 2 , Ep 1
  • 03/25/2011
  • Views: 60,744

The fact that politicians don't swear is something John Oliver finds inherently untrustworthy. (1:24)

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I'VE ALWAYS FOUND INHERENTLYUNTRUSTWORTHY.

NOW, LOOK AT BAN KI-MOON,SECRETARY GENERAL OF THE U.N.

IF HE DOESN'T SWEARCONSIDERING WHAT HE HEARS ABOUT

EVERY SINGLE DAYDURING HIS JOB,

IF HE DOESN'T SWEAR,THAT IS A REAL PROBLEM.

IF THE FIRST THING OUTOF HIS MOUTH IN THE MORNING

WHEN HE WALKS INTO HIS OFFICEAT THE U.N.

AND THE PHONE STARTS TO RING

BEFORE HE'S EVEN HADA CHANCE TO SIT DOWN,

IF THE FIRST THING OUTOF HIS MOUTH IS NOT,

"WHAT?!

"WHAT THE (bleep)DO YOU WANT?!

"CAN I NOT JUST DRINKMY (bleep) COFFEE

"AND EAT MY (bleep) BAGEL

"BEFORE YOU TELL MEWHAT (bleep) CALAMITY

"HAS JUST BEFALLEN MANKIND?!

I (bleep) HATETHIS (bleep) JOB!"

(applause)"IF MY WIFE--

"IF MY WIFE,MRS. KI-MOON,

"IF SHE ASKS ME ONE MORE TIME,'HOW WAS WORK TODAY, DARLING?'

"I'M GONNA LOSE MY (bleep)!

"HOW WAS WORK TODAY?!

"IT WAS (bleep)HARROWING, SWEETHEART!

"HOW IS IT BEING MARRIEDTO THE SHELL OF A MAN?!

(bleep)!"

(applause)IF THAT IS NOTTHE FIRST THING OUT OF HIS FACE,

HE SHOULD BE FIREDON THE SPOT.

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