Everybody lives with fear,everybody has some kind of
weird phobia. You know,snakes, or heights, or,
you know, water.
I think my fear is a lot morecommon than people are
willing to admit.
I am terrified that I amgoing to get stuck in an
elevator and have to poop.
That fear rules my wakinglife.
Because what are you gonnasay when they open the door?
"Oh, yeah, you know, that wasthere,
"but I figured, threeflights, who could..."
"No! You did it!
"You made that filthy filthwith your filthy self!"
It's got everything: shame,guilt, loss of control.
It's a Catholic trifecta.It's the perfect fear.
The only thing worse would beyou get into an elevator,
the most beautiful womanyou've ever met in your life
gets in with you, the doorsshut,
you get stuck and realize youjust had three black coffees
and the world's largest branmuffin.
What do you do?
"Oh, I'm reallysorry about that."
No, not an option.
You'd have to kill her.
Your reptilian brain wouldtake over and you would
just have to... [screams]
Just... "you'll understand whyI did this!
"You'll look down from heavenand be glad I did this in
And of course, when the doorsopen, your alibi'd up.
"Well, obviously, shetook a [bleep] and diedof embarrassment."
That's me running away.
That's my fear.
I'm afraid I'll murdersomeone against my will so
they don't see me poop in anelevator.