Marc Maron: He pulls outa little dime bag and
he snorts it and he goes, "Youwant some?" And I'm like, "I'm
driving, this is not the time totry heroin."
Thank you everybody.
If you don't know, here's what the
show is. It's just a bunch ofpeople and we're all telling
You guys knows him from
WTF Podcast with Marc Maron.
Ladies and gentleman, Mr. MarcMaron, everybody.
Alright so this, thisis a comic story. Now,
comedians, we have to, you know,we have to learn how to be
comedians and that takes timeand it takes writing jokes, but
it just takes doing it a lot.And a very important thing about
being a comic that you learnearly on is that if you're
booked on a gig, you better doyour time. No more, no less. Do
your time. Now when I starteddoing comedy, it was in Boston,
Massachusetts, and when I wasstarting out I was just starting
to work and the way the showsworked at that time is you do
road gigs and the first guywould do a half an hour, the
headliner would do forty-fiveminutes and that was the show.
So now I'm just starting to openand there was this dude who
moved to Boston from Cleveland,no one knew who he was. All we
knew was that he didn't like hisname in the paper, he didn't
want his name on the marqueebecause the IRS was after him
and an ex-wife. So this guy wasactually on the lamb doing live
stand-up comedy. These are thekind of people that were around
doing comedy back in the day.And this guy's name was Frankie
Bastille. Now I had to go pickFrankie up to drive him to a gig
in Connecticut. We were going todrive two and a half hours, me
and this guy I'd never metbefore. So I go to this
apartment building and I'mwalking down this hallway to
pick this dude up and all I hearfrom the end of the hall coming
from an apartment I can't quitesee is some guy going, "Where's
my tooth? Where's my fuckingtooth?" And I'm like, "What is
going on?" And I know on thedoor and this dude opens up, he
looks like Keith Richards andhe's missing his front tooth. He
goes, "I'm Frankie, I can't findmy tooth." Alright, I'm Marc.
He's like, "Alright, we gottafind my tooth and then we go."
Um, Alright. So we look aroundfor the tooth for about twenty
minutes and he reaches into hispocket and he goes, "Oh shit, I
got it," and he pops his toothinto his face. So that was
Frankie. He had a Tibetan chanttattooed around one arm, he had
some other tattoos on the otherarm, he looked like Keith
Richards and he talked likethat, he's like, "Alright, man,
we're gonna go." So I'm drivingin the car with this dude and
he's giving the lowdown on howto do stand up, right. He's
like, "Gotta do your time, man.It's the most important thing.
That's the rules of the road,you gotta do your time." And
right before I was about to goon stage, he recited some poem
that he had written about theroad to me before I went on. I
wish to hell I could rememberit, but it was sort of like a
pirate shanty of some kind. Sonow, like, I'm just starting
out. So I go on stage before himat this place that had disco
balls, it was like just a bar inConnecticut that was doing a
one-nighter. I go on stage, I'mdoing well, I do everything I
got. Every joke I have, I do allof it. And then I stop and I go,
"Alright, thank you very much,I'm Marc Maron, it's my pleasure
to bring up to the stage, heworks clubs and colleges all
over, Frankie Bastille." Theyall clap. Nothing, he doesn't
come up. Clapping stops, kind ofslows down. He doesn't come up.
And I'm standing there, I'mlike, "Alright well, please
bring up Frankie Bastille."Nothing. So now it's weird and
there's silence. And from theback of the room I hear Frankie
go, "Twenty-six!" I'm like,"What?" He goes, "You did
twenty-six minutes, got fourminutes left!" So I do some
street joke I remember and I getoff and he goes on and kills, he
gets off. He goes, "Gotta doyour time, man."
And I worked with him a coupleother times.
Frankie was a doper and this is
one of the reasons why I lovestand-up comedy because I worked
with him a couple other times.And I was doing blow at the
time, I was doing a little bitof coke. And he was living in a
SRO off of Kenmore Square, youknow, and I said I'm gonna go
get some dope, some coke. And Iwent to my dealer's house and
somehow I left with like, youknow, a half a gram and a guitar
amp. He was that kind of dealer.He dealt to musicians so it was
sort of a pawn shop-slash-- So Ishow up at Frankie's with this
half gram and I was going to dosome lines.
He goes, "Can I do some?"
I'm like, "Yeah, it's fine." Hegoes, "I'm going to shoot mine."
And I'm like, "Okay. I guess."
He goes, "You wanna watch?" I'm
like, "Yeah, I do kinda."
He pulls out like something that
looks like, you know, the kindof, I was never a dope guy, but
you know when you gotparaphernalia. He had this stuff
that was like, "Wow that stufflooks pretty well used. It looks
like you love that equipment."And, you know, it was the
fascinating thing to me aboutthis particular moment is he
tied himself off and then hepulled some coke into the
syringe and he hit himself. Andlike within thirty seconds he's
like, [inaudible]. And I'm like,"Oh no, now we're in trouble."
He's like, [inaudible], thisstuff's cut with baking soda.
And I'm like; I thought it wasso impressive that he could
taste from the inside. Ithought, "This guy is really
something. Real junkie." Andthen he got all hyper and
started sweating and startedtalking about things. But here's
the last bit is like, okay. So Igot driving down to Cape Cod to
do a show at a Chineserestaurant called Johnny E's.
They had like a Polynesian danceshow and then they had comedy.
And I'm driving Frankie about anhour fifteen, an hour and a half
down there, however long it was.And we're driving and he's
pulling out little bindles ofheroin and he's snorting them in
the car. So like he pulls out alittle dime bag and he snorts it
and he goes, "You want some?"And I'm like, "I'm driving, this
is not the time to try heroin."
So like he does two bags of
heroin and he's done, man. He'sout. He's like nodding, like
he's out. And we pull up atJohnny E's and I gotta walk him
in. So I'm walking this dude inand I put him in a booth and he
just was like, "Gaaa"-- out. Idon't know what the hell to do.
So I go up and I do my halfhour, I do my time.
And now I'm bringing Frankie up
and I don't know if he's evenawake. So I go, "Ladies and
gentleman, clubs and collegesall over, please welcome Frankie
Bastille." And like a seconddidn't go by and he bounds onto
the stage and he does the mostanimated show I have ever seen
in my life. He's sweating, he'sacting shit out, he gets a
standing ovation. Then he getsoff, we go out to the car, and
he's like, "Gaaaa." And I'mdriving, all I'm thinking is
like, "That dude is aprofessional."
He passed away.
Rest in peace, Frankie Bastille.Thank you very much.