The last show I did,
it was a benefit showfor cheerleaders.
Ha! Holy (bleep), right?
What are we raising money for,less pants or more ...?
Which is it? Right?
Couldn't we have just hireda band?
They later told me thatthe cheerleaders were actually
having a benefit showfor cancer. Okay?
Not a particular type of cancer,just cancer.
Which is great, 'cause it'sjust like cheerleaders
to think they can cure cancerby spelling it real loud.
Give me a "K"!I love those girls.
I love 'em.
Yeah. I usuallyjust blow pot smoke at 'em
till they cry, but... turns out
Can't do that. Mm-hmm.
I don't really have anythingagainst cheerleaders, though,
I guess, you know.
I don't even knowwhat they do, really.
I think they make
a lot of signsout of glitter and glue.
Right? There's a lot of eyelinerand puffy paint.
It's like a slutty kindergarten,that's what it's like.
I don't really get along withgirls to begin with, though.
Like, I got one good girlfriend,
and the rest are pretty muchthe sacrificial lambs.
I'll talk about 'emall day long.
I don't give a (bleep).I do not care.
I used to workin an office, though.
So I got really good
at fake liking girls.
I got good at that, you know?
Just come in every day, like,
"Hey, Cathy, how's it going?"
Hope you chokeon that fork, bitch.
I hated every single one of 'em.
Yeah. They started it.
(laughter)Well, they did.
They hated me first,'cause I wouldn't go
to their stupid happy hoursand ladies' nights
and candle parties.
God! I don't even like you--why would I go over
to your house and order (bleep)from your imaginary store?
I don't want to do that.
They got me to go toa dance club with them one time.
All girls do at dance clubsis complain about it
the whole time they're there.
Like, every five minutes,they were back at the table,
like, "Oh, my God!
"There's some guy out there,and he's totally dancing on me
"Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Well, you might want to quitdancing like this, then."
I hated that job.
I made Web sites there.
That's what I did. Yeah.
Which, in termsof artistic integrity
is, like, one notch aboveair-brushing wilderness scenes
on the sideof Ford Conversion vans.
I had the worst boss ever there.
Worst. His name was Lou.
spelled backwards is...