Andi Smith - Girls

Season 2, Ep 0207 05/24/2007 Views: 10,206

If girls go to a dance club, all they do is complain about it. (2:53)

The last show I did,

it was a benefit showfor cheerleaders.

Ha! Holy (bleep), right?

What are we raising money for,less pants or more ...?

Which is it? Right?

Couldn't we have just hireda band?


They later told me thatthe cheerleaders were actually

having a benefit showfor cancer. Okay?

Not a particular type of cancer,just cancer.

Which is great, 'cause it'sjust like cheerleaders

to think they can cure cancerby spelling it real loud.

Right? Right?

Give me a "K"!I love those girls.

I love 'em.

Yeah. I usuallyjust blow pot smoke at 'em

till they cry, but... turns out

that's illegal.

Can't do that. Mm-hmm.

I don't really have anythingagainst cheerleaders, though,

I guess, you know.

I don't even knowwhat they do, really.

I think they make

a lot of signsout of glitter and glue.

Right? There's a lot of eyelinerand puffy paint.

It's like a slutty kindergarten,that's what it's like.


I don't really get along withgirls to begin with, though.

Right? Okay.

Like, I got one good girlfriend,

and the rest are pretty muchthe sacrificial lambs.

I'll talk about 'emall day long.

I don't give a (bleep).I do not care.

I used to workin an office, though.

So I got really good

at fake liking girls.

I got good at that, you know?

Just come in every day, like,

"Hey, Cathy, how's it going?"

Hope you chokeon that fork, bitch.


I hated every single one of 'em.

Yeah. They started it.

(laughter)Well, they did.

They hated me first,'cause I wouldn't go

to their stupid happy hoursand ladies' nights

and candle parties.

God! I don't even like you--why would I go over

to your house and order (bleep)from your imaginary store?


I don't want to do that.

They got me to go toa dance club with them one time.

That's gay.

All girls do at dance clubsis complain about it

the whole time they're there.

Like, every five minutes,they were back at the table,

like, "Oh, my God!

"There's some guy out there,and he's totally dancing on me

like this."

"Oh, yeah? Yeah?

Well, you might want to quitdancing like this, then."



I hated that job.

I made Web sites there.

That's what I did. Yeah.

Which, in termsof artistic integrity

is, like, one notch aboveair-brushing wilderness scenes

on the sideof Ford Conversion vans.


I had the worst boss ever there.

Worst. His name was Lou.

Which, ironically,

spelled backwards is...



(applause)I know.