Kathleen Madigan - Greyhound Bus

Rick Overton & Kathleen Madigan Season 1, Ep 0104 02/24/1992 Views: 3,986

The grossest people on the planet ride the Greyhound bus. (2:12)

BOY, THAT WAS GROSS.

IT'S THE GROSSESTPEOPLE ON THE PLANET.

THERE WERE65 PEOPLE ON THIS BUS.

I WAS THE LAST ONE ON.

I TOOK ONE LOOKAT THESE PEOPLE--

I FELT LIKE CALLING UNSOLVED MYSTERIES AND GOING

"YEAH, I FOUND EVERYBODY."

( laughter )

OH, MAN,EVERYBODY WAS SO GROSS.

SERIOUSLY.

THE GUY IN FRONT OF ME WENTINTO CONVULSIONS.

STARTED SWALLOWING HIS TONGUE.

HE WAS SHAKING AND SWEATING ANDPUKING AND HIS FRIEND'S LIKE

"OH, MAN, HE'S BEEN DRINKINGFOR 55 DAYS STRAIGHT.

WE GOT TO GET HIMOFF THIS BUS NOW."

SO WE GET HIM OFF THE BUS.

I'M LOOKING AROUNDGOING, "OH, GREAT.

NOW WHO'S GOING TO DRIVE?"

( laughter )

I THINK THE GUY BEHIND MELIKED ME

BECAUSE THIS IS ALL HE SAIDTHE WHOLE WAY OUT HERE.

( with old codger's voice: )"HEY...

"HEY...

HEY, HONEY, YOU KNOW, IF I WASJUST 20 YEARS YOUNGER..."

AND I GO,"JUST SHUT UP, DAD."

( laughter )

IT IS NICE TO BE OUT HERE.

SOME WOMAN HERE SAWMY DRIVER'S LICENSE

"OH, YOU'RE FROM MISSOURI?

"I HEARD YOU PEOPLEIN THE MIDWEST ARE SO BORED

"THAT YOU ACTUALLY GO OUTIN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY

AND TIP COWS OVERWHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING."

( laughter )

I TOLD HER, "I DON'T KNOWWHO'S TELLING YOU THIS STUFF

BUT WE DO IT AT NIGHT."

( laughter )

SHE WAS UPSET.

"OH, THAT'S SO MEAN.

THAT'S SO CRUEL;THOSE POOR COWS."

I'M LIKE, "LADY, IT'S A COW.

"IT HAS NO IDEAWHAT'S GOING ON, OKAY?

ALL THE COW KNOWS IS THAT HEWAS STANDING THERE SLEEPING..."

( laughter )

"NEXT THING HE KNEW

"THERE WAS A LITTLEDIRT IN HIS FACE.

IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL."

I GO, "OKAY,LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.

"WHEN YOU FALL OUT OF BED, DOYOU LOOK FOR PEOPLE TO BLAME?

YOU WAKE UP AND GO, 'GOD,THERE'S COWS IN MY HOUSE'?"

( laughter )

IF YOU FALL OUT OF BEDAFTER LIKE AGE 12

YOU JUST THINK, "OH,I AM SOME SORT OF MORON.

"I'M NOT TELLING ANYBODYABOUT THIS.

I'LL HAVE TO GETONE OF THOSE BARS FOR MY BED."