Loni Love - Leave Fat People Alone

Loni Love: America's Sister Season 1, Ep 0101 05/08/2010 Views: 7,111

In the projects in the 1980s, government surplus cheese was ammunition and nutrition. (1:59)

LOOK AT ALL THESE SKINNY PEOPLE

PASSING JUDGMENT.

[sneers]

YOU SKINNY PEOPLE LEAVE US

FAT PEOPLE ALONE.

SKINNY PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS ASKING

FAT PEOPLE DUMB-ASS QUESTIONS.

"YOU GONNA EAT ALL OF THAT?"

"YES, I AM."

"I THOUGHT YOU WAS ON A DIET."

"THAT WAS TWO HOURS AGO.

SHUT THE HELL UP."

SEE, I GREW UP IN

THE '80s, YOU KNOW.

THE GOVERNMENT MADE ME FAT,

'CAUSE I GREW UP IN THE '80s

IN THE GHETTO.

IN THE '80s IN THE GHETTO,

THEY USED TO PASS OUT

BIG BLOCKS OF GOVERNMENT

SURPLUS CHEESE--OH!

REMEMBER THAT, GHETTO PEOPLE?

AHH!

THAT CHEESE WAS DELICIOUS.

OH!

IT WAS A YELLOW

SUCCULENT COLOR.

IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

OH!

IT WAS A BIG OLD BLOCK

OF CHEESE, YOU KNOW.

THIS WAS BEFORE VELVEETA

AND ALL OF THAT, YOU KNOW.

YOU COULD CHOP IT UP YOURSELF.

IT WAS SO BIG, YOU COULD HIT

SOMEBODY IN THE HEAD AND MAKE

YOU A CHEESE SANDWICH

AT THE SAME TIME.

IN THE PROJECTS, IT WAS

AMMUNITION AND NUTRITION,

ALL RIGHT?

MY MAMA DID EVERYTHING

WITH THAT CHEESE.

SHE MADE CHEESE SANDWICHES,

CHEESE SOUP, CHEESE POT PIE.

THAT'S WHY I'M FAT

AND CONSTIPATED NOW--

IT WAS THAT DAMN CHEESE.

I'M STILL PUSHING OUT CHEESE

FROM '82, JUST...

[flapping lips]

"PUT SOME CHEESE ON IT.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT."

NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG,

FAT PEOPLE.

I DON'T WANT NOBODY WALK OUT

OF HERE SAYING LONI LOVE SAYS

IT'S OKAY TO BE FAT.

I DON'T CONDONE BEING FAT,

Y'ALL, YOU KNOW.

I'M NOT ONE OF THEM PEOPLE,

"JUST LOVE ME, LOVE ME,

LOVE ME."

NO, I'M NOT SAYING THAT.

I'M SAYING IF YOU GOT

A PROBLEM WITH YOUR WEIGHT,

WORK ON YOUR WEIGHT,

BUT IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF,

LOVE YOURSELF AND TRY

TO LOSE THE WEIGHT.

THAT'S ALL I'M SAYIN',

YOU KNOW.

[applause]

'CAUSE EVERYBODY HAS PROBLEMS,

YOU KNOW.

SOME PEOPLE NEED DRUGS.

I DON'T NEED WEED.

I NEED WINGS.

I GET THE MUNCHIES NATURALLY.

HEE HEE!