Colin Quinn - Gay Priests

Tough Crowd Stands Up with Colin Quinn Season 1, Ep 0101 12/08/2002 Views: 12,651

There's no saint named Miss Saigon. (2:45)

WELL FOLKS, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THANK YOU, AND GET IT OUT NOW'CAUSE I AM THE BIGGEST NAME

ON THIS SHOW, UNLESS YOU...

[LAUGHTER]BUT, UH, I AM GLAD YOU CAME TO

THE "TOUGH CROWD" SPECIALBECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU

SOMETHING ABOUT THESE PEOPLEBACK HERE.

FIRST OF ALL--TOUGH CROWD--

THE BEAUTY OF IT IS, IS THATEVERYBODY JUST SAYS WHATEVER

THEY WANT ABOUT ANYONE'S RACE,ETHNICITY AND THERE'S--

RELIGION AND LET ME TELL YOUSOMETHING, YOU KNOW, YOU NEED

THAT TODAY.

FIRST OF ALL--EVEN MY OWN RELIGION, I LIKE,

YOU KNOW, CATHOLICISM--AND IT IS A FINE RELIGION BUT--

[CHEERS]WELL, AND THAT, WELL, YOU KNOW,

IT'S HARD--ALRIGHT, EVEN MY OWN RELIGION,

I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU,WE HAD A COUPLE A GAY PRIESTS

GROWING UP, I'M NOT GONNA LIE,THERE IS ALWAYS THE ONE THAT YOU

HAD TO WATCH OUT FOR, YOU KNOW.

WE HAD THIS ONE GUY, HE HELPEDME PICK OUT MY CONFIRMATION NAME

AND I FIND OUT YEARS LATERTHAT THERE'S NO SAINT NAMED

MISS SAIGON, YOU KNOW,BUT YOU WERE A KID.

FOLKS, YOU DON'T KNOWEVERYTHING.

I DON'T KNOW ALL THE SAINTS NOW.

CAN YOU NAME THEM?

YOU DO.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE ETHNIC HUMOR.

YOU KNOW.

AND I GREW UP IN BROOKLYNAND IT'S ALL ABOUT PEOPLE--

JUST INSULT EACH OTHER,PEOPLE WOULD MAKE FUN OF

EACH OTHER'S RACES.

THAT'S THE WAY IT WENT.

MY FAMILY IS HALF BLACKAND HALF WHITE.

MY SISTERS MARRIED TO A GUYFROM ST. LUCIA AND SHE'S GOT

FOUR KIDS.

MY BROTHER IS MARRIED TO A GIRLFROM TRINIDAD, THEY JUST HAD

A BABY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE...

THAT'S HOW WE PICKED OURLIFE PARTNERS IN MY FAMILY,

BY STOPS ON THE CARNIVAL CRUISELINES.

THAT'S HOW WE DO IT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]OUR FAMILY'S PICTURES LOOK LIKE

THE LINE AT THE DEPARTMENT OFMOTOR VEHICLES.

YOU SEE THE FAMILY'S PORTRAITS.

YOU KNOW AND LET ME TELL YOUSOMETHING THERE'S ALWAYS RACIAL

TENSION AND PEOPLE DON'T LIKETO TALK ABOUT IT.

COPS AND BLACKS, ALWAYS RACIALTENSION BETWEEN COPS AND BLACKS.

AND IT'S IRONIC BECAUSEIN TODAY'S SOCIETY COPS ALL TALK

LIKE BLACK KIDS AND BLACK KIDSALL TALK LIKE COPS BECAUSE

THEY'RE IN THE SAMENEIGHBORHOOD.

YOU SEE ANY COP, THEY PULL A KIDOVER AND SAY "YO-HO-HO, MY MAN,

COME HERE FOR A SECOND.

YO, NOBODY'S SWEATING YOU.

NOBODY'S TRYING TO SWEAT YOU,COME HERE."

YEAH, THEY ALWAYS GIVE A LITTLENICKNAME.

"HEY, TUPAC, COME HERE FORA SECOND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

[LAUGHTER]YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

UH, YOU'RE REPRESENTINGAND HE'S PERPETRATING OR

HOW DO YOU WORK IT?

WHILE HE PERPETRATES THEN YOUREPRESENT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING

HERE?

BEEN PIMPING, HUH?

ALRIGHT."

AND ALL THE BLACK KIDS,THEY TALK LIKE COPS.

YOU KNOW ANY TIME THERE'S A COPINCIDENT, THEY'RE ON THE

SIDELINES GIVING THE WHOLELOWDOWN.

"NO THAT'S A 4-15.

HE AIN'T GONNA TAKE THEM IN FORTHAT.

NAW, THEY GOTTA LET THEM GO.

NAW, THAT'S THE LIEUTENANT.

HE DON'T GET OUTTA THE CAR,HE GONNA MAKE THE SERGEANT GO."

[LAUGHTER]"YO, BLUE, WHY DO YOU HAVE

TO CUFF HIM SO TIGHT, BLUE?"UM, WHAT ELSE RACIAL?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON THE TRAINAND AT THE NEXT STOP, HIP-HOP

HIGH SCHOOL GETS ON?

THAT'S A COMFORTABLE MOMENT.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]HOLY GOD.

ONE MINUTE I'M SITTING THERE,ME AND THAT LADY ARE IN A JAY Z

VIDEO, YOU KNOW, 400 KIDS--LIKE 400 KIDS IN DO-RAGS

THROWING SNOWCAPS AT EACH OTHER,YOU KNOW, SITTING THERE LIKE

A LIZARD ON A ROCK.

HOLY MOTHER...

[LAUGHTER]