This is a cool place.
I-I-I had a hooker come up to mefor the first time up here.
She was, like, "For $500I'll spend the night with you."
Like, "$500? That's an Xbox,lady, okay?"
(laughter)You know how much stuff costs?
I'm not going to get Chlamydia
from playing LEGO Star Wars,okay.
I've been playing online lately.
I love playing Xbox online,
but they got these kids on itthat talk mean crap.
I had some kid call me a fat assthe other day.
Like, he can't even see me,dude.
I'm, like, how doesthis kid know I'm fat?
Am I breathing heavy?
Is my character running slow?
Like, how do you know, kid?
Scientist are sayingobesity's a virus.
That's dumb, okay.
AIDS is a virus, all right.
Like, I'm never going to haveto call my ex-girlfriend.
Like, "Julie, listen.
"I went to the doctor today
"and I'm fat, all right.
"Like, I don't knowif you're fat,
but you might want to getyourself checked out, okay."
(cheering, applause)It's like--
it's not gonna be cool.
I'm going to...
(laughs)I'm going to...
Now, I'm going to haveall these ex-girlfriends
come out of the woodwork."Like, Dustin, you made me fat."
"Like, bitch, you were fatwhen I met you, okay.
Our first date wasat Krispy Kreme, remember?"
I used to smoke weed, man.
I quit, though, you know,'cause...
Boo your piehole.
What a dick.
My dealer over there...
I-I used to smoke weed. I quit.
But, like, everything in lifereminds me of smoking weed.
The other day,I sealed an envelope.
I was like...
Would've been awesome, man.