World Nightly News

  • Season 2 , Ep 10
  • 07/16/2006
  • Views: 54,645

IT'S THE WORLD NIGHTLY NEWS WITH FERNANDO ROSEALINDO.

[ANGLO ACCENT] WELCOME TO THEWORLD NIGHTLY NEWS,

I'M FERNANDO ROSEALINDO.YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONNA SAY,

[THICK HISPANIC ACCENT]FERNANDO ROSEALINDO!

WE DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

IN OUR TOP STORY,GEORGE W. BUSH CELEBRATED HIS

10th ANNIVERSARYAS PRESIDENT OF IRAQ.

BUSH CEASED POWER AFTERHE REALIZED HIS APPROVAL RATING

WAS HIGHER IN IRAQTHAN IN AMERICA.

BUT TENSIONS BETWEENTHE UNITED STATES AND IRAQ

RESURFACED WHEN BUSHMADE THIS ANNOUNCEMENT.

MY FELLOW IRAQIANITES, AMERICA MUST PAY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I FINALLY FOUND THEM WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTIONS,

THE NUCLEAR ONES, THE CHEMISTRY ONES,

THE BIODEGRADABLE ONES.

DO NOT MISS-UNDERESTIMATE ME AMERICA.

I WILL USE THEM ON YOU INFIDELS.

WHEW! AL, LA, LA, LA...

- [GUNFIRE]- OH!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IN IMMIGRATION NEWS,352 PEOPLE SUCCESSFULLY

CROSSED THE BORDER FROMMEXICO INTO THE UNITED STATES

MAKING IT OFFICIAL,THERE'S NO ONE LEFT IN MEXICO.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS INFLUX OF IMMIGRANTSCOMES ON THE HEELS

OF THE INAUGURATION OF AMERICA'SFIRST HISPANIC PRESIDENT WHO WAS

ELECTED ONA PLATFORM OF UNITY.HE HAD THIS TO SAY.

IN ORDER TO A. TO ASSIMILATE--

I'M HERE TO DECLARE THERE IS MANDATORY--

EVERY AMERICAN CITIZEN SHOULD-- SHOULD SPEAK ENGLISH--

SHOULD LEARN ENGLISH. GO RAIDERS.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERSWHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

THE NEW HISPANICMAJORITY IN AMERICA

HAS RE-IGNITED A DEBATEOVER AFFIRMATIVE ACTION.

ONLY THIS TIME,IT IS WHITE PEOPLE THAT WANT IT.

Chanting:WHITES NEED RIGHTS!

YOU OWE US AMERICA!YEAH, YOU OWE US AMERICA!

WHITE PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS BLAMINGTHEIR PROBLEMS ON RACISTS.

IF YOU'RE QUALIFIED FOR A JOB,YOU'LL GET A JOB.

OH, THAT'S EASY FOR HER TO SAY.SHE'S BLACK!

IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE,

YOU CAN GO BACK TOCZECHOSLOVAKIA!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND NOW LET'S CHECK OUTSIDE,FOR A LOOK AT THE WEATHER

WITH OUR TOKEN WHITE GUYJACK DRIZZLE.

WELL, HUCK-E-DEE, JUCK-E-DEE.

IT SEEMS THIS GLOBAL WARMING HAS GOT ME IN A PICKLE.

WE'VE GOT GALE STORM WINDS OF 90-MILES AN HOUR,

LIGHTENING, THUNDERSTORMS AND AN OCCASIONAL TORNADO!

AND IF THIS DOESN'T HAVE YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST,

THEN GUESS WHAT, TOMORROW'S GONNA BE EVEN WORSE!

BUT HEY, I'LL BE OUT HERE WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE

LETTING YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING DOWN WITH THE WEATHER OUT HERE

MAKING SURE YOU GET THE-- SON OF A BITCH!

- MOTHER-[BLEEP]!- [LIGHTENING, THUNDER]

BACK TO YOU, FERNANDO!

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

NO WONDER HE'S SO HAPPY.HE GETS BLOWN EVERY DAY AT WORK.

THANKS, JACK.

NOW LET'S HEAD OUT TOTHE BALLPARK FOR SPORTSWITH SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.

WHAT YOU GOT FOR US, SHAQ?

I'M OUT HERE WITH THE PLAYERSGETTING THEIR REACTION'S ABOUT,

AH, BASEBALL, AH, WANTING TO PINMORE PEOPLE TO THE SHEETS,

AH, BUT SHAQ-DADDY AIN'T THERESO PEOPLE WEREN'T COMING.

SO AH, THEY LETSTEROID INSPECTING AND, AH...

AH...AH...

THANK YOU, SHAQ.

AND NOW IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS,PARIS HILTON IS STILL A SLUT.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

FUNNYMAN, CARLOS MENCIA'SLATEST COMEDY

DEE-DEE-DEE AND DEE-DEE-DEE-EROPENS THIS WEEKEND.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

THAT MENCIA HASN'T AGED AT ALL.

AND FINALLY,MADONNA PERFORMED LAST NIGHT

AT A CHARITY FUNDRAISER FOR THEWHITNEY HOUSTON AND BOBBY BROWN

MEMORIAL DETOX CENTERAND CRACK HOUSE.

WE'LL SEND YOU OFFWITH SOME HIGHLIGHTS.HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

♪ KISS ME

♪ TASTE ME

♪ BITE ME

♪ BANG ME

♪ EXOTIC, EXOTIC

♪ DRAG YOUR TONGUEALL OVER MY BODY ♪

♪ EXOTIC, EXOTIC

♪ I'M SO HOT AND HORNYAND NAUGHTY ♪

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

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