Michelle Buteau - Clinique

South Beach Comedy Festival 2008 Season 1, Ep 2 01/28/2008 Views: 11,002

Where is Angelina Jolie when you need a bitch? (2:07)

-I was at Macy's today, man.

I was really tryingto find something

to fit over my woman parts.

It wasn't workingout, so I was like,

screw it, purfume--that always fits.

You know I like to smellgood, taste even better.

Hey, you can use that.

Sharing is caring.

So then I end up inthe makeup section

where you get theperfume and stuff.

I see this little black baby,she couldn't be more than two

or three years old.

She is unattended.

She is screaming atthe top of her lungs.

She's like, and that's myname, and that's my name,

and that's my name.

I'm like, who is watchingthis little crack baby?

I'm like, where is AngelinaJolie when you need a bitch?

I said it.


And that's my name.

And finally, I heard her mother.

Her momma's like, Clinique!

This BET is messing my youth up.

Its so nice to be performingfor adults and three kids

with no parents.

Let me tell you something.

I've been performing for alot of college kids lately.

And you guys arecool, but it's so

annoying how hopefulyou guys look.

I'm like, wait tillyou get your first STD.

Thank god for penicillin.


And I love dating a college man.

It really takes me back.

It was so much easier.

This is all you had to do tobe my boyfriend in college.

You buy me a beer, you dancewith me four songs in a row.

That was it.

You were my man whetheryou knew it or not.

And I remember being so brokeand so hungry in college,

if you bought me French frieson your meal card, I loved you.


And if they were curlyfries, I was touching it.


Don't judge me.

That tastes like chicken,and I was hungry.

If you're clapping, you're a ho.

So anyways-- I'm not judging.

I'm not judging.

Let's go get a drink.

I am not judging.

But man, I was so brokeand so hungry in college.

I used to fill outthe credit card

applications forthe free candy bars.


That is a ghetto mess.

I'd fill out creditcard applications

for free candy bars, y'all.

By the time I graduated,I had bad credit

and type two diabetes.


That is not cute.