Cory Kahaney - Catering

  • Season 8, Ep 27
  • 06/10/2004
  • Views: 4,712

Bitter, divorced, single mothers should not manage wedding catering. (2:16)

ABOUT THIS SET HERE, YOU KNOW.

BEFORE I DID COMEDY, I WAS A

CATERING MANAGER, WHICH MEANT

THAT I DID WEDDINGS FOR A

LIVING.

ME, THE BITTER DIVORCED SINGLE

MOTHER DOING WEDDINGS FOR A

LIVING.

AND I WOULD PROBABLY STILL BE

DOING WEDDINGS FOR A LIVING

IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS ONE BRIDE.

I'LL NEVER FORGET HER.

HER WEDDING WAS IN JUNE OF 2014.

[LAUGHTER]

AND SHE WOULD CALL BE EVERY DAY.

WE CALLED HER THE STALKER BRIDE.

AND THE LAST STRAW WAS--

ONE DAY SHE CAME IN, IT WAS

LIKE A SATURDAY AT 5:30 AND

I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF ANOTHER

WEDDING.

AND SHE BURST INTO MY OFFICE.

SHE WAS LIKE, "CORY, WE HAVE TO

MAKE SOME CHANGES ON THE MENU."

AND I'M LIKE, "ALRIGHT, WELL,

CALM DOWN, OKAY.

YOUR WEDDING'S AFTER ARMAGEDDON,

WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME.

[LAUGHTER]

AND SHE GOES, "NO, IT'S VERY

SERIOUS, CORY.

I JUST FOUND OUT THAT BRIAN,

MY FIANCE, IS ALLERGIC TO NUTS."

AND I SAID, "AND HE STILL WANTS

TO MARRY YOU?"

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ALRIGHT.

ALRIGHT.

TO MYSELF I SAID THAT,

TO MYSELF I SAID THAT.

AND I SAID, "WELL, YOU KNOW,

WHY DON'T YOU CALM DOWN.

CALL ME BACK ON MONDAY AND

WE'LL GO OVER THE MENU."

SHE GOES, "NO.

WE HAVE TO DECIDE NOW BECAUSE

I WANT TO ENVISION MY WEDDING."

I SAID, "YOU WANNA ENVISION

YOUR WEDDING?

ALRIGHT, I'LL HELP YOU.

YOU'RE GONNA PUT ON A DRESS,

SEE.

AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA WALK DOWN

AN AISLE AND KISS SOME GUY

YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH FOR

THREE YEARS.

THEN YOUR WHOLE FAMILY'S GONNA

DIVE INTO A SHRIMP BOAT LIKE

IT'S FEEDING TIME AT SEAWORLD.

OLD LADIES ARE GONNA CALL DIBS

ON THE CENTERPIECES BEFORE THE

FIRST COURSE GOES DOWN.

AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA DANCE

THE NIGHT AWAY TO SUCH WONDERFUL

HITS AS "HOT, HOT, HOT,

THE ELECTRIC SLIDE",

"CELEBRATE" BY KOOL AND THE

GANG, "LA BAMBA",

AND "PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC,

WHITE BOY".

AND WHEN IT'S ALL OVER AND YOU

GO BACK TO THE HONEYMOON SUITE,

YOU AND YOUR NEW HUSBAND WILL

OPEN UP THE ENVELOPES AND FIND

OUT JUST HOW CHEAP EVERYONE IN

YOUR FAMILY REALLY IS.

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

IS YOU'RE MARRIED NOW, AND THE

NEXT MORNING WHEN YOU WAKE UP,

THE VERY FIRST THING THAT YOU'RE

GONNA FEEL IS."

[TAPPING NOISE]

THANK YOU SO MUCH, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

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