Car Accident

Fred Armisen & Kevin Nealon Season 2, Ep 5 04/01/2003 Views: 13,470

A man becomes enraged after receiving a mysterious phone call from a stranger accusing his son of being a teenage maniac. (2:54)

( phone ringing )

>> Hello?

>> DOM: Yeah, Mike, please.

>> MIKE: Here.

>> DOM: Hey, Mike, how you


>> MIKE: Fine.

>> DOM: Good. I'm calling about

a little accident happened, uh,

near the Pyramid Mall last week.

Uh, you got a 1989 Toyota Camry?

>> MIKE: Yeah. What happened?

>> DOM: Well, you know, you-you

backed into me, and then, uh,

you took off.

>> MIKE: Pyramid Mall?

What day?

>> DOM: Uh, Tues... Tuesday.

Yeah, Tuesday.

>> MIKE: What time?

>> DOM: Ooh, 7:00 p.m.?

>> MIKE: Hold on a second.

( mouthing )

Tuesday at 7:00 p.m., you claim

a Toyota Camry hit you in the

Pyramid Mall?

>> DOM: That's right, exactly.

>> MIKE: Yeah, how do you know?

>> DOM: How do I know?

>> MIKE: Yeah.

>> DOM: Because I got friends in

the DMV who called me up.

They traced this car.

My car's all smashed in.

I can't even drive it now.

>> MIKE: Too bad.

>> DOM: And if you had... too


And even if...

>> MIKE: My car wasn't there.

>> DOM: Even if you said...

>> MIKE: I can verify where our

car was, and it was not there

at 7:00 p.m.

>> DOM: Oh, don't tell me where

the car was because I'll show

you the marks, and I'll show you

the maroon paint...

( hangs up phone )

>> DOM: ...on the car.

( phone ringing )

>> MIKE: Hello?

>> DOM: Hey, Mike, it's Dom


I'm very sorry...

>> MIKE: Wait, wait, I just want

to tell you something.

I have absolute certainty my son

was in downtown all of Tuesday


>> DOM: Well, I apologize for

upsetting you.

There's no need for that.

I-I don't want to get you upset.

How about $2,500 we settle?

>> MIKE: ( bleep ) you!

>> DOM: Does that mean I'm not

getting the money?

( hangs up phone )

( phone ringing )

>> MIKE: Yeah?

>> DOM: $2,000.

>> MIKE: I-I want every piece of

information that you're talking


I want to find out who this

witness is.

I want... I want information.

>> DOM: $2,000. All right.

>> MIKE: W-We're talking


>> DOM: $2,200.

>> MIKE: ...a reverse suit here.

>> DOM: $1,500.

>> MIKE: I-I-I am calling the

witness, and I am threatening

them with a lawsuit.

>> DOM: $500.

>> MIKE: I want to know who this

( bleep ) witness is...

>> DOM: $500.

>> MIKE: ...because my son was

downtown with the car, and I


>> DOM: Eh.

>> MIKE: ...I have a roomful...

>> DOM: $80.

>> MIKE: ...of certified, uh...

>> DOM: A dollar.

>> MIKE: ...Barbara Liston

campaign employees.

>> DOM: 50ยข. A dollar.

>> MIKE: I want to know who this

witness is.

>> DOM: One dollar.

( chuckling ): How about food


>> MIKE: What the heck is this?

What kind of scam is this?

>> DOM: Your car backed into me.

>> MIKE: My car did not back

into me... into you.

My car was downtown...

>> DOM: All right!

>> MIKE: My son...

>> DOM: Mike...

>> DOM: ...was at Barbara

Liston's campaign headquarters.

He was certified in a roomful

of 50 people.

A lot of people know him.

>> DOM: Okay. How about a back


>> MIKE: I want names, right


>> DOM: Your son is a teenage

maniac, bumping into the car

like that.

>> MIKE: ( bleep ) you!

He wasn't anywhere near there!

I want to find out...!

>> DOM: Now when you say,

"( bleep ) you," what do you

mean by that?

>> MIKE: Would you ( bleep )

shut up?!

My son was in a campaign

headquarters, you moron.

Who is making this statement?

>> DOM: I'm the moron?!

I'm the moron?!

>> MIKE: What's your name?

What is your name?

>> DOM: You son's hooked up on


>> MIKE: What's your name?

>> DOM: My name is Dom Judd!

I told you my name!

>> MIKE: Tell me again.

Dom what?

So what's the name?

How do you spell it?

>> DOM: Dom... Dom... D-O...!

I forget the res... John!

Now listen to me, Mike...

>> MIKE: What's your address?

>> DOM: My address is not your

business, and let me tell you

another thing...!

>> MIKE: ( bleep ) you.

( dial tone buzzes )