-I'm single now.
Now I'm single, and I'm justlearning-- just figuring this
out-- girls are not into thedrunkest guy at the party.
That's not what they like.
And that's what I go for.
So it's not working out.
At no time ever aregirls like, did you
see that guy over therewho bit open that beer can?
And their friends are notlike, yeah, I saw him earlier.
I was really attractedto him when he petted
that dog too hardfor a little while.
I loved it.
Were you therewhen he made us all
dare him to eat a cigarette?
I'm in to him.
I love that guy.
I got broken up with.
I also got fired recently.
This is a great life I'm leadingright now, fucking great life.
I totally deserved it.
I was a biomedicalengineer for about a year
before they werelike, wait a second.
No, this isn't adding up.
Here's how I got fired.
I had a boss.
I hated her.
She was larger.
This is leading to what I do.
I take a picture of this womanopening up the refrigerator
at work, and then Iput that picture of her
in the refrigerator onTwitter with the caption,
looks like it's feeding time.
And she found it, because she'sa human who gets computers.
So she fired me, which makessense, because you cannot keep
an employee who treatsyou like a bear.
So she called me intoher den and was like,
listen, you're out of here.
I was like, that makes sense.
So I had to go geta new job, which
means I had to take a drug test.
I had to take a drugtest three weeks
after I quit smoking weed.
And I was nervous, because Iwasn't sure if three weeks was
enough time to get sevenyears of weed out of my body.
So super nervousabout this result.
And a week went byafter I took the test.
And I was like, man, theystill haven't called me.
I should call them andask if they got it in.
And then I realized, actually,Brooks, don't do that ever.
Don't call your potentialemployer and go,
hey, did you guys getmy drug test results in?
Because I am sweating bullets.