The Sklar Brothers - Poorest Family in America

  • Season 14 , Ep 12
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 15,623

The Sklar brothers will not allow their kids to be the ones with the crappy snacks. (2:34)

WE'RE LOOKING BACK AT THE WAYOUR PARENTS RAISED US.

IT'S JUST THE TWO OF US.

AND THEY DID A GREAT JOBRAISING US.

BUT ONE THINGWE'RE REALIZING LOOKING BACK

IS THAT OUR PARENTS --

OUR FATHERALWAYS HAD A JOB...HE DID.

...WHICH BAFFLES US TODAY,

BECAUSE WE'RE WONDERINGWHY HE DECIDED TO RAISE US

AS IF WE WERE THE POORESTFAMILY IN AMERICA.

YEAH, LIKE WE WEREDUST-BOWL MIGRANT WORKERS.

CHARACTERS IN"THE GRAPES OF WRATH."YEAH.

"CAN WE GO TO DISNEYLAND?"

"KEEP PICKING GRAPES.KEEP PICKING GRAPES."

I DON'T EVEN THINKTHEY PICK GRAPES IN THAT BOOK.

OUR DAD ACTUALLYHAD US BELIEVING

WE COULD BE EVICTED FROM A HOUSETHAT WE OWNED OUTRIGHT.

WE OWNED THE HOUSE.HOW DID HE DO IT?

HOW DID HE DO IT?NO LANDLORD.

HE HAD US DOING ITSO WE WOULD GET US

TO STOP DOING THINGSHE DIDN'T WANT US TO DO.

EXACTLY, RIGHT.

WE'D BE UPSTAIRS PLAYINGNERF HOOP JUMP

AND HE'D JUST YELLAT THE FLOOR --

OUR FLOOR, HIS CEILING -- AND BELIKE, "KEEP JUMPING UP THERE.

THEY'LL TAKE IT AWAY."

"THEY'LL TAKETHE WHOLE HOUSE."ALL OF THIS ISGOING TO BE GONE."

"I'LL GET THE SUITCASES,'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA BE LIVING

OUT OF THE SUITCASES NOW 'CAUSETHEY HAD TO PLAY NERF HOOP."

"YEAH, YOU KNOW A GREAT PLACEYOU CAN PLAY NERF HOOP?

THE BUS STATION."

"'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE WE'RELIVING NOW BECAUSE OF YOU."

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S A STAND-ALONESTRUCTURE.

WE DON'T HAVE NEIGHBORSBELOW US.

THE WORST WAY IT MANIFESTEDITSELF FOR US --

AND WE WILL NOT DO THISAS NEW PARENTS.

I WON'T DO THISTO MY KIDS.

I STAND HERE ON THE STAGE RIGHTNOW TELLING YOU I WON'T DO IT.

WE WERE THE KIDSWITH THE CRAPPY SNACKS.

THAT'S BAD.

THAT'S LIKE A NOTCH BELOWTHE KID WITH POLIO.THAT'S RIGHT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

'CAUSE AT LEAST THATKID'S GOT CHOCODILESIS ALL WE'RE SAYING.

YEAH,AND AN OUTDATED DISEASE,

SO HE'S GOT YOU BEATTWICE.

OUR PARENTSWOULD NOT BUY US HOSTESS.

THAT'S ALL WE WANTEDAS KIDS.

WE'D ASK THEM, "CAN WE PLEASEHAVE SOME HOSTESS?""OH,YOU WANT SOME HOSTESS?"

"WE'LL JUST GO TO THE MONEY TREEAND GET YOU SOME."

"OH, NO!THERE IS NO MONEY TREE.""THAT'S JUST A FICUS."

YOU SAID 'HOSTESS,'AND THEN THIS FICUS PLANT..."

"I STARTED TO GO CRAZYIN THE HAZE OF YOUR GREED.

"YOU GOT GREEDY, AND THENI THOUGHT THIS JADE PLANT

"WAS GONNA SPRING$20 BILLS.

OH, OH.YOU WANT HOSTESS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO INSTEAD OF HOSTESS,

OUR PARENTS WENTA COUPLE OF NOTCHES BELOW,

AND THIS WAS SO SAD.

THEY ALWAYS BOUGHT USLITTLE DEBBIE SNACK CAKES.

WE'LL PUT ALL OF THE CARDS ONTHE TABLE, SHALL WE, RIGHT NOW?

LITTLE DEBBIE IS SARA LEE'S"SPECIAL-NEEDS" SISTER.

THAT'S RIGHT.THAT'S WHO SHE IS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WE SAID IT.YEAH.

'CAUSE LOOK AT HER PICTUREON THE BOX.

HER HAIR IS MATTED DOWN.

THERE'S LIKE A TRICKLEOF DRY BLOOD

COMING OUT OF THE CORNEROF HER MOUTH, I THINK.

SHE'S LITERALLY HAVING A STROKEON EVERY BOX.

SHE'S LIKE, "AAH!

HOW ABOUT A NUTTY BAR?"

"ARR!"

"HOW ABOUT A STAR CRUNCH?"

"AAH!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

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