I TOOK SOME DRUGS A COUPLE OF

DAYS AGO.

MY BUDDIES WANTED TO PLAY

FOOTBALL AND I KNEW MY THROWING

ARM WAS GOING TO WAY OFF SO I

TOOK THAT LEVITRA.

YA KNOW THAT DRUG THAT HELPS

THAT GUY THROW THE FOOTBALL

THROUGH THE TIRE IN THE

COMMERCIAL?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH, YEAH.

LONG STORY SHORT, I GOT TACKLED

AND MY PENIS SNAPPED IN HALF.

[LAUGHTER]

POOR PENIS.

THOUGH MY PENIS IS NOT THAT

BIG, I CAN ADMIT IT.

YEAH, I KNOW HOW I KNOW IT'S

NOT THAT BIG.

THIS IS KIND OF A SCARY STORY,

READY FOR THIS?

'CAUSE ONE TIME I WAS NUDE

SUNBATHING AND A BIRD TRIED TO

EAT IT, AH THAT'S NOT GOOD.

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS EVEN IN ASIA WHEN IT

HAPPENED SO TO PICK OUT MY PENIS

AMONGST...

[LAUGHTER]

BUT GIRLS LIKE BIG WIENERS,

RIGHT?

THAT'S WHAT IT SAID UNDERNEATH

MY SNAPPLE CAP TODAY ANYWAY

BUT...

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

PLUS I'M KIND OF IMMATURE.

I GOT ACCUSED OF BEING SEXUALLY

IMMATURE.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT

MEANS, ALL RIGHT GRANTED,

WHEN I'M ABOUT TO [BLEEP] I GO

LIKE THIS OVER MY PENIS LIKE

SPIDERMAN...

[WEB EXCRETING]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH!

BUT YOU GOTTA USE THAT

PROTECTION, RIGHT?

I SAW A CONDOM LAYING IN THE

STREET ON THE WAY DOWN HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU

SEE A CONDOM LAYING IN THE

STREET?

IS THERE SOMEBODY SO RECKLESS,

THEY'LL HAVE SEX IN THE STREET

YET RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO PUT

A CONDOM ON BEFORE THEY DO IT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHO IS THIS MIXED UP MYSTERY

MAN?

THAT MUST BE SOME SCENE, HUH?

"JOEY, WE CAN'T THERE'S TOO

MANY PEOPLE."

"SHUT UP, BITCH, GET IN THE

DUMPSTER.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU'RE GETTING IT STRAY DOGGIE

STYLE TONIGHT."

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

"STRAY DOGGIE STYLE?

WHAT'S THAT?"

"WELL BABY, IT'S THE SAME THING

AS DOGGIE STYLE EXCEPT YOU'RE

IN A DUMPSTER."

[LAUGHTER]