I TOOK SOME DRUGS A COUPLE OF
DAYS AGO.
MY BUDDIES WANTED TO PLAY
FOOTBALL AND I KNEW MY THROWING
ARM WAS GOING TO WAY OFF SO I
TOOK THAT LEVITRA.
YA KNOW THAT DRUG THAT HELPS
THAT GUY THROW THE FOOTBALL
THROUGH THE TIRE IN THE
COMMERCIAL?
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
YEAH, YEAH.
LONG STORY SHORT, I GOT TACKLED
AND MY PENIS SNAPPED IN HALF.
[LAUGHTER]
POOR PENIS.
THOUGH MY PENIS IS NOT THAT
BIG, I CAN ADMIT IT.
YEAH, I KNOW HOW I KNOW IT'S
NOT THAT BIG.
THIS IS KIND OF A SCARY STORY,
READY FOR THIS?
'CAUSE ONE TIME I WAS NUDE
SUNBATHING AND A BIRD TRIED TO
EAT IT, AH THAT'S NOT GOOD.
[LAUGHTER]
I WAS EVEN IN ASIA WHEN IT
HAPPENED SO TO PICK OUT MY PENIS
AMONGST...
[LAUGHTER]
BUT GIRLS LIKE BIG WIENERS,
RIGHT?
THAT'S WHAT IT SAID UNDERNEATH
MY SNAPPLE CAP TODAY ANYWAY
BUT...
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
PLUS I'M KIND OF IMMATURE.
I GOT ACCUSED OF BEING SEXUALLY
IMMATURE.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT
MEANS, ALL RIGHT GRANTED,
WHEN I'M ABOUT TO [BLEEP] I GO
LIKE THIS OVER MY PENIS LIKE
SPIDERMAN...
[WEB EXCRETING]
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
YEAH!
BUT YOU GOTTA USE THAT
PROTECTION, RIGHT?
I SAW A CONDOM LAYING IN THE
STREET ON THE WAY DOWN HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU
SEE A CONDOM LAYING IN THE
STREET?
IS THERE SOMEBODY SO RECKLESS,
THEY'LL HAVE SEX IN THE STREET
YET RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO PUT
A CONDOM ON BEFORE THEY DO IT?
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
WHO IS THIS MIXED UP MYSTERY
MAN?
THAT MUST BE SOME SCENE, HUH?
"JOEY, WE CAN'T THERE'S TOO
MANY PEOPLE."
"SHUT UP, BITCH, GET IN THE
DUMPSTER.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU'RE GETTING IT STRAY DOGGIE
STYLE TONIGHT."
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
"STRAY DOGGIE STYLE?
WHAT'S THAT?"
"WELL BABY, IT'S THE SAME THING
AS DOGGIE STYLE EXCEPT YOU'RE
IN A DUMPSTER."
[LAUGHTER]