Mike Vecchione - Crazy and Compassionate

Season 1 , Ep 2 07/11/10 Views: 13,827

A drive-by shooting in a hybrid car sends a great message to those who live through it. (1:41)

THEY HAVE SOMETHING BETTER,SOMETHING CALLED CIVIL UNION.

I'M ACTUALLY JEALOUS.

I WOULD LIKE TO HAVEA CIVIL UNION WITH A WOMAN.

THAT WAY,WHEN WE SEPARATE,

I DON'T HAVE TO USETHE UGLY WORD "DIVORCE."

I COULD BE LIKE,"LOOK, SWEETIE.

"I DON'T WANT A DIVORCE.

I SIMPLY WOULD LIKE TO SECEDEFROM THE UNION..."

[laughter]

"THEN JOIN THE CONFEDERACY OFBANGING OTHER BITCHES."

SNAP!

I DON'T MEAN "BITCH"IN A DISRESPECTFUL WAY.

I MEAN IT THE WAYTHAT TUPAC MEANT IT.

[laughter]

YEAH, I KNOW I'M FROMBIGGIE TERRITORY,

AND THERE'S STILLSOME TENSION IN THE AIR.

BUT I LIKE TUPAC, AND I DON'TLOOK LIKE A TUPAC FAN.

I LOOK LIKE MAYBE I SHOULD BEFIST-POUNDING IT

DOWN AT THE JERSEY SHOREAT NIGHT

WHILE SELLING T-SHIRTSDURING THE DAY.

[laughter]

BUT I LIKE ME SOME TUPAC,

'CAUSE HE'S CRAZY ANDCOMPASSIONATE AT THE SAME TIME.

I LISTEN TO HIM, I WANT TO DOCRAZY, COMPASSIONATE THINGS.

LIKE A DRIVE-BY SHOOTING,BUT IN A HYBRID CAR.

SENDS A GREAT MESSAGE.

I'MA TRY TO KILLALL YOU PEOPLE.

BUT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO LIVE,LET'S PROTECT MOTHER EARTH.

YEAH.

[laughter]

AND I TRY TO USE THAT PHILOSOPHYIN MY OWN LIFE.

CRAZY AND COMPASSIONATE.

I DO SOME CRAZY THINGS.I NAMED MY OWN PENIS.

THAT COULD BECONSIDERED CRAZY.

BUT ONTHE COMPASSIONATE SIDE,

I NAMED IT AFTERTHE THIRD-WORLD CHILD

THAT I'M SPONSORINGIN GUATEMALA.

SO IT'S A LITTLE LONG-WINDEDWHEN I CAN'T GET AN ERECTION.

I'M LIKE,"MARCOS ANTHONY GUTIERREZ!

"WHAT IS THE MEANINGOF THIS?

"YOU BETTER STANDAT ATTENTION

IF YOUR VILLAGE EVER WANTSTO GET AN IRRIGATION SYSTEM."

[laughter]

YOU HAVE TO THREATENIN THIRD-WORLD WAYS.

YOU HAVE TO.

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