Speed Debating

Wednesday, October 19, 2016 10/19/2016 Views: 365

Andrew Orvedahl, Ben Roy and Adam Cayton-Holland keep the spirit of the presidential debates alive by arguing sides of important issues. (2:13)

Speed Debating.Speed Debating.

Tonight was the finalpresidential debate,

thank Christ!

Where the mannequinsfrom Ann Taylor

and Spencer Gifts--

they duked it outto win undecided voters.

But we're just not readyto say good-bye to debates.

So, comedians,to keep the conflict alive

a little bit longer, I'm gonnagive you a famous issue

and whoever buzzes in first

should weigh in to settle itonce and for all.

First up, cats versus dogs.Andrew.

Dogs.'Cause I'm lonely,

but I'm not that lonely.

All right.

-Points. Ben.-Rebuttal, rebuttal.

-Yeah.-Cats, because that office chair

-isn't gonna (bleep) on itself.-Yeah, points. -No.

-He's right. Yes, Adam.-No. Rebuttal, rebuttal.

Dogs. Cats taste disgusting.

All right, points. Points.

Next up-- I know this is a veryimportant issue to everyone--

hand jobs versus dry humping.

That looks like kind ofwet humping on the beach though.

-I don't know. Ben.-Either.

I-I'll take whateverI can get, at this point.

All right, yeah.

Points to Ben.

Adam.

Hand jobs, because we needmore jobs in this country.

-Yeah, points.-I'm tired of people

trying to talkabout the non-important issues.

Finally,someone is on the issues!

I'm mad! I'm fightin' mad!

(cheering and applause)

N-Next one, black versus white.

Black versus white.

Let's be very carefulwith this one.

Let's be very carefulwith this one.

(bleep).

Just hearing...

just hearing one of the threeblack dudes in the audience go,

"Yeah, you better be careful."

Uh...

We got this, all right?We got this.

Adam.

It's black.

Because the darkness comesfor us all.

-Yeah, all right. Points.-Oh, we can...

we can pretendit's not wasting our time

with little interactiveTwitter games,

but, eventually,the black consumes us all.

All right. Good. All right.

Points.