That's why I respectold people that are in love

that have beentogether forever.

And I feel like weall do this.

Like, we all seelike an old couple.

Like, we all guilty of it.

Like, we go to likea company picnic.

You see like an old couple ona blanket like 30 feet away and

you know it's your partner,'cause we project.

We want that to be us.

You're like, look, girl,that's gonna be us.

I bet you he's stillprofessing his love

like he did in 1915or some shit.

But, you don't know ifit's been a good 35 years!

I guarantee if you could be afly on a bottle of wine on that

blanket out there, it would justbe this dude's wife yelling at

him like, don't eat the eggsalad, you're gonna shit your

pants!

I'm not gonna shit my--

You shit your pantsFourth of July.

Those were deviled eggs.

It has the word egg in it,doesn't it, fuck face?

That's what lovesounds like.

But it's hard to putthat in an R&B song.

So, you don't hearit like that.

The only problem I foundwith being in like a loving,

long-term relationship, andanybody who's in a relationship

feels this, you can have greatsex throughout the duration

of your relationship.

But, it's damn near impossibleto have the best, like singular,

individual sexualexperience of your life

with yourlongterm partner.

I'm gonna tell you why.

Think about the best sex you'veever had in your life.

Think about thatshit right now.

I'm cool with some dead air,think about that shit.

Think about whatthey did to you.

Think about how they probablymade you feel like the little

bitch you wanted 'em to.

Think about whatthey did.

It was hot.

It was outside, it was onthe back of a cop car,

something dangerous!

That's what you need!You need that danger!

And that's what goes awaywhen y'all are in love.

Man, your girl lovesyou, but she knows you.

She knows yourweaknesses.

The woman you drovehere with tonight,

she knowsyour allergies.

And you can't dominate nobodysexually once they know your

allergies! You knowwhat I'm saying?

'Cause this is the late show, Iwant you all to get extra drunk,

I want you to go home, fellasfor me, wherever you guys

normally fuck,don't do that shit.

If you do it in the bedroom,take your girl right in the

fucking kitchentonight!

I want you to take herhead, put it in the sink.

Grab that ponytail,pull that shit back.

You like, we doing thisstanding up tonight.

We taking itold school.

You readyfor this shit?

This shit's forever,you ready for this?

And, all your girl's gonna bethinking in her head is,

whatever,Mr. Allergic To Cilantro.

Pussy.

Crying through Eat,Pray, Love like a bitch.

Hurry up, I gottago to Curves.

Guys, I've beenAl Jackson.